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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #information #subjects #students #two #middle #schools #school #b #features #comparisons
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This
 bar chart represents the
number
 of students who
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 the six
subjects
 in
school
 A and
school
B
.
Overall
, it is evident that the highest
number
 of
subjects
 contributed to
sport
 in
School
 A at 36.
On the other hand
, the lowest
number
 in
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
 is seen in
science
 at 2 in
school
B
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
school
 A,
while
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
 was the most popular
subject
, the
number
 of the rest were relatively popular. The lowest
subject
 is noticed in craft/drawing at 4, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 9
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 different from
sport
.
However
, the popularity in
school
B
 was craft/drawing at 25. Turning to
School
B
, craft/drawing, language and social
science
 were the
subject student
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects students
show examples
 enjoyed more than at 10.
Science
 was the least popular
subject
 at 2 and lower than almost 13 times in the most
popularity
Replace the word
popular
show examples
. Despite
this
, the
overall
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
 of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in
School
 A exceeded
in
Correct pronoun usage
those in
show examples
School
B
, with the exception of
science
 and
sport
.
Submitted by may.pattareepan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, subjects, school, b, sport, science, subject with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • comparative data
  • favorite subjects
  • middle schools
  • horizontal axis
  • vertical axis
  • quantifies
  • preference
  • initial observation
  • significantly greater interest
  • shared enthusiasm
  • favored
  • attracts more students
  • draws the highest number
  • popularity
  • outliers
  • subject preferences
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