It is too expensive to look after and repair old building .Tho money should spend on building new modern buildings instead .To what extent do you agree or disagree.
The old building needed a high
cost
after it was renovated. Then
, new modern buildings
are spending a lot of money because the materials
are expensive and the architecture is not cheap to give a salary. I totally agree about
the statement since the renovation requires the biggest Change preposition
with
cost
and it added new material becoming a modern building.
The first one is the renovation of old construction which needs much
money to buy an architect to design. Correct quantifier usage
apply
In other words
, the government can invest in public facilities. such
as museum
and Fix the agreement mistake
museums
the
historical Correct article usage
apply
buildings
, so that
whether the old Correct word choice
apply
buildings
want to be captivating or it
made more modern than before, they must buy the architecture to design and Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
renovate Fix the infinitive
apply
that
is expensive. After that, the building can be seen as interesting because there are many changes to become modern built and look good modern art.
The second one, linked to the Correct pronoun usage
which
first,
is material very expensive, However
, the
modern Correct article usage
apply
buildings
uses
wood and technology to make Change the verb form
use
buildings
more strong than before so it needs more time to construct the building. during the process
the ministry must give salaries to many workers. Add a comma
process,
Consequently
, It requires much cost
before the building is finished. Finally
, The combination of modern material and traditional material is very expensive because it needs the highest budget to buy all materials
, such
as,
semen and paving and other Remove the comma
apply
materials
. As a result
, the ministry gives more budget to buy different materials
.
To sum up
, renovating older buildings
to become modern buildings
; it needs spent the biggest cost
. However
, the architecture and materials
are so expensive to buy them.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
While your response is clear, ensure to use more precise language and avoid repetition. For example, using 'architect' repeatedly in the same context can be streamlined.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, citing a real-world scenario where renovation costs were notably high would be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow of your paragraphs. Ensure that each point you make is directly connected to your thesis statement to maintain coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, indicating the main argument clearly.
logical structure
You provide a structured argument with two main points which give clarity to your essay structure.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely encapsulates the central argument presented in the essay.
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