Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Recently, the question of whether family members
such
as grandparents
are able to take care of their children
or childcare
Correct word choice
whether childcare
centers
can supply Change the spelling
centres
children
with the best infrastructure has been a topic of discussion. While
many endorse the latter opinion, I am still in favor
of the former.
Admittedly, the techniques of Change the spelling
favour
childcare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
is
beneficial to some Change the verb form
are
extend
. Replace the word
extent
Firstly
, centers
are likely to give modern Change the spelling
centres
childcare
facilities with trained teachers. The first reason for my argument is that children
can gain fully
Change the word
full
childcare
services such
as a huge range of playground
,Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
hence
children
may less
bored and can entirely immerse themselves in games. Add a missing verb
be less
Secondly
, childcare
centers
create conditions for Change the spelling
centres
children
to make new friends from the
other places. To exemplify, Correct article usage
apply
childcare
center
wellFix the agreement mistake
centers
nourish
all peers, thereby Change the verb form
nourishes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
contribute
to Change the verb form
contributes
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
children
to become more confident and sociable when they face with
strange peers.
Change preposition
apply
Nevertheless
, I side with those who advocate that
having Correct word choice
apply
grandparents
as caregivers. The first one is that grandparents
play a vital role in the development both
mentalities and behaviours of the Change preposition
of both
children
. The first benefit is that grandparents
pass the family tradition and cultural values onto their children
. The second one is that grandparents
who are familiar member
will create Fix the agreement mistake
members
the
sense of safety Correct article usage
a
to
their Change preposition
for
children
. Only when having grandparents
to look after their children
,will they strengthen the bond between family members and children
. This
benefit will contribute to a cozy and happy family.
In conclusion, it can be
understandable why Wrong verb form
is
childcare
center
provides Change the spelling
centre
children
with the best care. However
, I still hold the belief that giving a role as caregivers to grandparents
because of family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
value
tradition and the connections between family members.Fix the agreement mistake
values
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, provide a real-world example or data to illustrate how childcare centers' facilities and trained teachers benefit children's development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains clarity and consistency. While your points are generally clear, some sentences may benefit from revision to prevent confusion. For example, consider revising "hence children may less bored and can entirely immerse themselves in games" to "hence children may be less bored and can fully immerse themselves in games."
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your paragraphs. Some points could be better organized to enhance the overall flow. For instance, you could combine the points on grandparents passing down traditions and creating a sense of safety into one cohesive paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well, effectively presenting and summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views regarding childcare and provides your opinion, fulfilling the basic requirements of the task.
task achievement
You make several strong points about the benefits of both childcare centers and grandparents as caregivers, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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