Some people think it would be a good idea for school to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this option ? Describe the skill a person needs to be a good parent.
The upbringing of a child is a very demanding task and a few people
advocates
that a subject on parenting must be added to school curricula. Change the verb form
advocate
However
, I disagree with this
notion to a large extent because majors are of immense importance in this
era. The reasons to support my stance are elaborated in following
paragraphs and I Correct article usage
the following
would
Wrong verb form
will
also
discuss a few traits of being an ideal parent.
To begin
with, the proponents of above
view Correct article usage
the above
opines
that by adding parenting into the syllabus, pupils may learn a few skills and most likely would use these learned traits, when they Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
will
become parents in future. But, Verb problem
apply
this
assumption is very difficult to achieve because students
and Change noun form
students'
student's
tutors
interests are more inclined towards exam subjects Change noun form
tutors'
tutor's
such
as,
Maths, Science etc. as these topics are of practical importance. Remove the comma
apply
Hence
, parenting should not be included into
the school curriculum.
On the flip side, opponents Change preposition
in
advocates
that more emphasis must be given to the major subjects. In fact, it is an undeniable truth that Change the verb form
advocate
this
century belongs to technology and we should prepare students
for the same. However
, it is only possible if they will learn these subjects in their initial years of schooling. To illustrate, according to
the World Trade Organisation, most likely by 2050 there would
be around 50 billion new jobs in Wrong verb form
will
IT
sector and Correct article usage
the IT
students
with science background
will Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
be benefitted
from it. Wrong verb form
benefit
Thus
, we must not divert students
interest to Change noun form
students'
student's
learn
parenting skills Wrong verb form
learning
in
Change preposition
at
young
age, which they can learn later on.
As a matter of fact, being a parent requires certain characteristics in a person. Correct article usage
a young
Firstly
, an individual should be multi-tasker
, as he would probably dealing with many things at a time with a baby. Correct article usage
a multi-tasker
Secondly
, ability
to cope Correct article usage
the ability
in
pressure situations that usually Change preposition
with
occurs
with kids.
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
To sum up
, more priority must be given to learn
science and technology, because Change the verb form
learning
this
would help young ones to have a settle
career in future. Change the verb form
settled
However
, the child
upbringing skills can be learned later on in life.Change noun form
child's
Submitted by mrsdns on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
One area for improvement is the clear integration of task response relevant to why teaching parenting skills in schools may not be feasible. Although you made valid points, you can augment your arguments with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your stance.
coherence cohesion
There were some cohesion issues, such as abrupt transitions and lack of connectors for smoother flow between paragraphs. Ensuring a more logical and seamless flow between sentences and points can improve the readability and coherence.
introduction
The essay's introduction sets the context effectively and clearly outlines the writer's stance, providing a good starting point for the discussion.
conclusion
The conclusion is succinct and restates the main argument, effectively summarizing the essay's main points.
supported main points
Main points are supported adequately, although additional and more specific examples could further strengthen the arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!