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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music , art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
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I agree that music,
art
, and drama are crucial subjects in schools and should not be underestimated.
This
 essay will explore several reasons supporting
this
 view.
To begin
 with,
art
 provides
students
 with a valuable outlet for expressing their emotions, which can enhance their
overall
 well-being and productivity.
For example
, music can help
students
 achieve a balance between their emotions and thoughts, offering relaxation and reducing stress. These emotional
benefits
 are vital for
students
' development and should be considered an integral part of the curriculum.
Additionally
, engaging in
art
 allows
students
 to create new and meaningful works, which can provide a strong sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the arts can have significant socio-economic
benefits
. Successful careers in music,
art
, and drama can lead to high salaries and increased social status.
For instance
, renowned artists and musicians often achieve global recognition and financial rewards.
Therefore
, incorporating these subjects into the school curriculum can provide
students
 with opportunities for future success and a higher quality of life. In conclusion, arts are essential subjects in school, offering numerous
benefits
. They contribute to emotional well-being, can lead to successful careers, and foster creativity that
benefits
overall
 academic performance
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific programs or studies showing the benefits of arts in education.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and is well-developed. This will help in maintaining the logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to maintain a balanced perspective by briefly mentioning counterarguments, even if you disagree with them, and then refuting them. This makes your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
The points made are relevant and the argument is clear, showing a good level of understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The language used is generally effective and appropriate for the task.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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