Some people say that music , art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level

I agree that music,

art

, and drama are crucial subjects in schools and should not be underestimated.

This

essay will explore several reasons supporting

this

view.

To begin

with,

art

provides

students

with a valuable outlet for expressing their emotions, which can enhance their

overall

well-being and productivity.

For example

, music can help

students

achieve a balance between their emotions and thoughts, offering relaxation and reducing stress. These emotional

benefits

are vital for

students

' development and should be considered an integral part of the curriculum.

Additionally

, engaging in

art

allows

students

to create new and meaningful works, which can provide a strong sense of

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

show examples

Furthermore

, the arts can have significant socio-economic

benefits

. Successful careers in music,

art

, and drama can lead to high salaries and increased social status.

For instance

, renowned artists and musicians often achieve global recognition and financial rewards.

Therefore

, incorporating these subjects into the school curriculum can provide

students

with opportunities for future success and a higher quality of life. In conclusion, arts are essential subjects in school, offering numerous

benefits

. They contribute to emotional well-being, can lead to successful careers, and foster creativity that

benefits

overall

academic performance

Submitted by Yasar Khan on Fri Aug 23 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific programs or studies showing the benefits of arts in education.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and is well-developed. This will help in maintaining the logical flow throughout the essay.

task achievement

Try to maintain a balanced perspective by briefly mentioning counterarguments, even if you disagree with them, and then refuting them. This makes your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded structure.

task achievement

The points made are relevant and the argument is clear, showing a good level of understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The language used is generally effective and appropriate for the task.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

192 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that music , art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

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