In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is true that
in
present, rural individuals are moving to countries, Change preposition
at
thus
Correct your spelling
the
people
population in the
rural Correct article usage
apply
area
is Fix the agreement mistake
areas
decline
. I thinkWrong verb form
declining
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
type of moving have
many drawbacks Change the verb form
has
both
cities and rural Change preposition
for both
people
. In this
essay, I will try to explain what I thought.
There are several reason
for Change to a plural noun
reasons
this
moving fluction
but the main reason is money. Correct your spelling
function
fiction
fluxion
People
who live in countryside
move into Correct article usage
the countryside
a cities
for work Correct the article-noun agreement
a city
cities
oppurtinites
and high salary Correct your spelling
opportunities
expections
. Correct your spelling
expectations
Thus
, it leads Change preposition
to over-population
over-population
and lack of nutrition sources Correct your spelling
overpopulation
due to
over consumption
. Because of the demand, goods price is increasing and they cannot afford so many things, even some basic things, like Correct your spelling
overconsumption
accomadation
. They had Correct your spelling
accommodation
a
Change the article
an
expection
about living a life, but capitalism not Correct your spelling
expectation
offers
Wrong verb form
offer
these person
any change. Change the determiner
this person
these people
In addition
, generally, they work as a
Remove the article
apply
labor
below some bosses. Their work hours are so long, and especially during Change the spelling
labour
to
dismissal Change preposition
apply
time
it leads Add a comma
time,
increasing
traffic Change preposition
to increasing
jam
. Fix the agreement mistake
jams
For example
, In İstanbul, I could not get into o
subway Correct your spelling
the
due to
crowded
after Add a missing verb
being crowded
the
7. pm.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, drawbacks are not only relative about
Change preposition
to
people
or city's
capacity. Correct article usage
the city's
Due to
this
movement, nowadays agriculture are
decreasing and export Change the verb form
is
good
are increasing. We do not Fix the agreement mistake
goods
ensure
about what we eat. Expert says that there is a huge increase Verb problem
care
about
unnatural crop consumption.
In conclusion, I believe that there are Change preposition
in
some
many negative effects Correct quantifier usage
apply
about
Change preposition
of
this
development. However
, we cannot blame rural people
to move a new city, they often had to do this
. I think, if governments decrease banks
loans' interest for farmers and Fix the agreement mistake
bank
they
provide good life Correct pronoun usage
apply
opportunity
in rural Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
area
, rural Fix the agreement mistake
areas
people
do
not want to live in dirty and Verb problem
will
stressfull
cities. Correct your spelling
stressful
Thus
, we achieve good crops for low price
.Fix the agreement mistake
prices
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on
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task achievement
Ensure clear and comprehensive ideas by structuring each paragraph around one main point. Develop this point fully before moving to the next.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall quality and readability. Consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an effort to address both positive and negative aspects of rural-urban migration.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the one of Istanbul's subway, enhance the essay's relevance and provide context.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, offering a complete structure to the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example