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Band 3.5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #effect #education #teenagers
A number of individuals believe that ruthless physical
games
 have a positive effect on the learning of younger,
while
 the remaining trust that effects are negative. I think competitive sports have different advantages like being Healthy, Learn that who to win,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertaining
show examples
yourself, good
friends
community
also
 have drawbacks not interested in studies and playing a lot of times
games
. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the ruthless game has a lot of benefits but here I describe to you some of them the most important benefits of
games
 are that the teenager's health because we know those human beings playing
games
 like cricket, football, badminton etc they have fewer issues in the health and those people are very fit.
However
, younger learn from the
games
 that to win, they do the best and hard work so they can easily understand from
games
 to win you must do
best
Correct pronoun usage
your best
show examples
.
Furthermore
, nowadays younger
have
Verb problem
people are
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addicted to smartphones and become
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
show examples
 to watch smartphones all day so for entertainment and relaxing the mind from smartphones , home burdon, study stress want
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
play and relax our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Nowadays a good
friends
community
 is
nesseccary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for everyone so in the game they
also
 make a
community
 and enjoy every part of the game. In conclusion, sports have both advantages and disadvantages but I strongly prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the benefits like a healthy, good
community
, making the best
friends
, And enjoying a lot of time with
friends
 without any stress.
Submitted by khastafojiii on

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task response
Try to clearly distinguish between the opposing views in the introduction and provide a balanced discussion before presenting your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next.
task response
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This helps demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-supported with explanations and examples.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to support it with several points.
coherence and cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, providing a basic structure to the essay.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
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