These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Games
in a hardware device, including mobile
phone, have many choices and various tasks to do rather than sports. It is what Correct article usage
a mobile
young
generation nowadays mostly do their spare time to. Honestly, it is Correct article usage
the young
destructive
habit that minimum exercise will take effect on their health.
Even though the whole computer-based game is played in front of the screen only, but, the software inside has brought a thousand plays to play. It makes the kids more fun and Add an article
a destructive
enjoys
the various and diversity Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
while
the sports or other pieces of training are just that all. The old but gold and famous games
such
as DoTA and Counter Strike
, are providing relations with Add a hyphen
Counter-Strike
the
online PvP (player versus player) and unmonotonous views with many of the characters which are enjoyable by the youngest. The simple and easy way of Correct article usage
apply
games
will be chosen by them.
Unfortunately, our future hopes often do their things excessively, the game which is supposed to be played in term
of refreshment of hard study, makes them forget their homework, and fundamentally, their health. It is known that children do not understand the matter of well-being, or even they do not care about it. Fix the agreement mistake
terms
However
, it is important for parents to keep their children off the computer or mobile access. There are many accidents that are caused by the radiation of electronic devices. Starts from eyes which keep looking at the phone or screen for a long time, or even just put it nearby can slowly harm people's internal organs.
As a part of technology advantages, online or offline games
that are played on screen have various plays which make them commonly chosen by kids. The sports
, even though tiring and Correct article usage
Sports
make
sweat, need to know that it is kind of beneficial activities towards our health. It is different from the one we discussed before, playing Verb problem
cause
games
on a computer or mobile device that will harm our children.Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic, it occasionally deviates from a clear and comprehensive response. Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to answering the questions posed in the prompt.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, there are moments where the logical flow between sentences could be improved. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, ensure that your concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide more concrete support for your main points. Vague or general statements should be backed up with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Your essay covers both parts of the question, addressing the cause of the phenomenon and providing an opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear start and a reasonable end to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.