IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, traffic is a serious problem in big cities. Why this is so and what effects does it bring? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#traffic #cities #effects
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There is no doubt, that number of vehicles in
cities
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 has increased significantly, creating the issue in megapolices.
This
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 essay will explore reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
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 trend and the
influense
Correct your spelling
influence
 of the phenomenon on city dwellers.
To begin
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 with, the growth of population and the increase of wealth per capita will be considered as the causes of the excessive numbers of
cars
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 want to live in
cities
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 and they relocate from
rurar
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rural
 to urban areas.
For instance
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, in my
homecountry
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home country
, villages have closed
near to
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nearly
show examples
 70 per year,
nobody
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and nobody
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 has based their, choosing attractive lights of big
cities
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.
Secondly
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,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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income per
houshold
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household
have
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has
show examples
 increased in many countries, individuals can afford to buy an expensive vehicle. To illustrate
this
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, twenty years ago near to three families possessed one car, nowadays an average
houshold
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household
 has two
cars
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.
As a result
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, crowds of
people
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base
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based
show examples
 in urban areas;
moreover
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, many of them have
an
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their
show examples
 own car
of
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or
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 want to
purchaise
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purchase
 it. The phenomenon has
consequances
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consequences
 for society
such
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 as
trafic
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traffic
 jams and air with exhaust gases. It happens because roads do not have sufficient bandwidth
especially
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, especially
show examples
 in rush hours, when
cars
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 stay hours in one area, burning fuel and producing fumes.
For example
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, In Almaty,
city
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the city
a city
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 where I live,
people
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 usually commute more than 2 hours.
Moreover
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, more than 90% of vehicles consume fossil fuels
such
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 as
gazolin
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gasoline
 or
diesil
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diesel
, which lead to
high
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a high
the high
show examples
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
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 of exhaust gases. It can be noticed in the case of India, where
people
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 choke
from
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on
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 gases in megapolices.
Finally
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, it is hard to deny, that
people
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 suffer from increasing traffic in
cities
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. In conclusion,
occupated
Add a missing verb
being occupated
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 by
cars
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roads
Change preposition
on roads
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 issue in many
cities
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. The desire to live in urban areas and finance stability raised the number of
vehicals
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 in
cities
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, causing traffic jams and polluted air.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the main ideas are fully developed with appropriate examples and detail. For example, address how urban migration and increased income link directly to traffic issues in more depth and include more specific and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical coherence by focusing on smoother transitions between paragraphs. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
general advice
There are several grammatical and spelling errors. Careful proofreading or using spellcheck tools will help to catch and correct these errors, such as 'rurar' to 'rural', 'houshold' to 'household', and 'gazolin' to 'gasoline'.
general advice
Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability. Mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences will enrich the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both the causes and effects of traffic issues in cities, which shows a balanced approach to the problem.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve to frame the essay nicely.
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