IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, traffic is a serious problem in big cities. Why this is so and what effects does it bring? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#traffic #cities #effects
There is no doubt, that number of vehicles in
cities
 has increased significantly, creating the issue in megapolices.
This
 essay will explore reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 trend and the
influense
Correct your spelling
influence
 of the phenomenon on city dwellers.
To begin
 with, the growth of population and the increase of wealth per capita will be considered as the causes of the excessive numbers of
cars
.
This
 is because
people
 want to live in
cities
 and they relocate from
rurar
Correct your spelling
rural
 to urban areas.
For instance
, in my
homecountry
Correct your spelling
home country
, villages have closed
near to
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 70 per year,
nobody
Correct word choice
and nobody
show examples
 has based their, choosing attractive lights of big
cities
.
Secondly
,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income per
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased in many countries, individuals can afford to buy an expensive vehicle. To illustrate
this
, twenty years ago near to three families possessed one car, nowadays an average
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
 has two
cars
.
As a result
, crowds of
people
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 in urban areas;
moreover
, many of them have
an
Change the word
their
show examples
 own car
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 want to
purchaise
Correct your spelling
purchase
 it. The phenomenon has
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
 for society
such
 as
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 jams and air with exhaust gases. It happens because roads do not have sufficient bandwidth
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in rush hours, when
cars
 stay hours in one area, burning fuel and producing fumes.
For example
, In Almaty,
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 where I live,
people
 usually commute more than 2 hours.
Moreover
, more than 90% of vehicles consume fossil fuels
such
 as
gazolin
Correct your spelling
gasoline
 or
diesil
Correct your spelling
diesel
, which lead to
high
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a high
the high
show examples
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
show examples
 of exhaust gases. It can be noticed in the case of India, where
people
 choke
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gases in megapolices.
Finally
, it is hard to deny, that
people
 suffer from increasing traffic in
cities
. In conclusion,
occupated
Add a missing verb
being occupated
show examples
 by
cars
roads
Change preposition
on roads
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 issue in many
cities
. The desire to live in urban areas and finance stability raised the number of
vehicals
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 in
cities
, causing traffic jams and polluted air.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the main ideas are fully developed with appropriate examples and detail. For example, address how urban migration and increased income link directly to traffic issues in more depth and include more specific and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical coherence by focusing on smoother transitions between paragraphs. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
general advice
There are several grammatical and spelling errors. Careful proofreading or using spellcheck tools will help to catch and correct these errors, such as 'rurar' to 'rural', 'houshold' to 'household', and 'gazolin' to 'gasoline'.
general advice
Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability. Mixing simple, compound, and complex sentences will enrich the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both the causes and effects of traffic issues in cities, which shows a balanced approach to the problem.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve to frame the essay nicely.

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