IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some nations,
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 at university away from home,
while
Linking Words
 others go from their homes and live there. There can be some problems like the
requirementof
Correct your spelling
requirement of
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
money
Use synonyms
 for needs, but the experience of living alone can outweigh the disadvantages. In cities where universities have enough
money
Use synonyms
 is necessary for young
students
Use synonyms
. For humans food, clothes,
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
, light, and water spending is very needed and for
this
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 should have the needed amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister is studying at Harvard University and far from Kazakhstan. Sister told me that she must work to be able to buy her products.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who
study
Use synonyms
 abroad can learn a lot of skills and abilities. Things like how to act in difficult situations and how to get some
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 working at work will not take your
study
Use synonyms
 time and will pay the cash that you want. My sister taught me how to earn
money
Use synonyms
 and spend it
cleverly
Rephrase
wisely
show examples
 without taking the things that I would not use. All of these abilities can help you in the future when you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
graduate from university and will live alone without your mother and father. In conclusion, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there are children who
study
Use synonyms
 near their parents,
while
Linking Words
 there are
also
Linking Words
 learners who
study
Use synonyms
 far away from their homes. There can be crucial problems like
money
Use synonyms
, but the ability to earn and spend
money
Use synonyms
 with a brain can help the future. So the advantages are more than the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Organization
Your essay does a good job addressing the topic, but it could benefit from clearer organization and more detailed support for your arguments. For example, separating the example into its own paragraph could make your points clearer.
Grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor errors such as 'requirementof' which should be 'requirement of,' and 'take your study time' which should be 'take away from your study time.' These small mistakes can somewhat hinder the readability of your essay.
Content
Try to provide more specific examples or data to back up your points. Adding precise details adds strength to your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific skills that students might gain from living away rather than general statements would give more weight to your discussion.
Content
You have clearly addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home during university with good examples from personal experience. Including personal anecdotes makes your argument relatable and engaging.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and supports your viewpoint that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: