The world population has been increasing lately. One way to curb excessive growth in the third world countries is to restrict the number of children each couple can have to 1. Other people believe that empowerment of womanis a better way. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years,
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
population
has been rising, more dramatically in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries. There are primarily two different approaches for
declining
Correct article usage
the declining
show examples
speed of the
population
rise in those countries.
While
some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
that
resrticting
Correct your spelling
restricting
the
number
of children in a family to at most one, others believe that to make women more powerful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
is a more powerful way.
This
essay will examine both perspectives and present my view on the issue. Proponents of
prohobiting
Correct your spelling
prohibiting
the maximum
number
of children a couple can have
argue
Change the verb form
argued
show examples
that
this
solution is the most direct one that can be put into action. If a couple can not have more than one child,
then
the
population
will decrease gradually as the
number
of deaths stays the same and
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of newborns
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
diminishes. It's possible to observe quickly the effects of
this
practice. In China,
for instance
,
this
rule applied and the results were clear, the
population
rise stopped effectively.
On the other hand
, supporters of the empowerment of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
claims that
this
solution is as influential as the
restiction
Correct your spelling
restriction
in terms of limiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive growth but
also
more humane. It is believed that
restircting
Correct your spelling
restricting
how many children there can be in a family is a
human-rights
Correct your spelling
human rights
show examples
violation.
In addition
, powerful women in the community
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
solely
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
speed
Correct article usage
the speed
show examples
of the
population
growth, it
also
leads to a more civilized
society
.
For example
, South Korea managed to stop the problem by applying
this
method
as well as
they could reshape their
society
in a better way. In conclusion,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resticition
Correct your spelling
restriction
restitution
is a potent method to handle to high human
population
problem, empowering
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
offers other merits as well,
such
as not violating
human-rights
Correct your spelling
human rights
show examples
and leading to a civilized
society
.
Submitted by kalkan_emre on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You provided a well-rounded response, addressing both points of view and offering relevant examples. However, you could improve by giving a more thorough analysis or by discussing potential drawbacks of each approach to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The paragraph discussing the empowerment of women could be better connected to the rest of the essay. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow.
general advice
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'prohobiting' should be 'prohibiting,' 'restircting' should be 'restricting,' 'woman' should be 'women'). Proofreading would help to catch these small errors, ensuring a polished final essay.
task response
Your use of concrete examples, like the ones from China and South Korea, significantly supports your main points and adds depth to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing your stance. This helps the reader follow your argumentation easily.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • one-child policy
  • population control
  • overpopulation
  • demographic changes
  • gender equality
  • education and awareness
  • reproductive rights
  • family planning
  • sustainable development
  • ethical considerations
  • empowerment
  • policy enforcement
  • quality of life
  • fertility rate
  • economic opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: