The world population has been increasing lately. One way to curb excessive growth in the third world countries is to restrict the number of children each couple can have to 1. Other people believe that empowerment of womanis a better way. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years,
human
Add an article
the human
population
has been rising, more dramatically in the
developing countries. There are primarily two different approaches for Correct article usage
apply
declining
speed of the Correct article usage
the declining
population
rise in those countries. While
some argues
that Change the verb form
argue
resrticting
the Correct your spelling
restricting
number
of children in a family to at most one, others believe that to make women more powerful in the
Correct article usage
apply
society
is a more powerful way. This
essay will examine both perspectives and present my view on the issue.
Proponents of prohobiting
the maximum Correct your spelling
prohibiting
number
of children a couple can have argue
that Change the verb form
argued
this
solution is the most direct one that can be put into action. If a couple can not have more than one child, then
the population
will decrease gradually as the number
of deaths stays the same and number
of newborns Change the article
a number
the number
is
diminishes. It's possible to observe quickly the effects of Unnecessary verb
apply
this
practice. In China, for instance
, this
rule applied and the results were clear, the population
rise stopped effectively.
On the other hand
, supporters of the empowerment of woman
claims that Fix the agreement mistake
women
this
solution is as influential as the restiction
in terms of limiting Correct your spelling
restriction
the
excessive growth but Correct article usage
apply
also
more humane. It is believed that restircting
how many children there can be in a family is a Correct your spelling
restricting
human-rights
violation. Correct your spelling
human rights
In addition
, powerful women in the community doesn't
solely Change the verb form
don't
helps
Change the verb form
help
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
speed
of the Correct article usage
the speed
population
growth, it also
leads to a more civilized society
. For example
, South Korea managed to stop the problem by applying this
method as well as
they could reshape their society
in a better way.
In conclusion, while
the
Correct article usage
apply
resticition
is a potent method to handle to high human Correct your spelling
restriction
restitution
population
problem, empowering woman
offers other merits as well, Fix the agreement mistake
women
such
as not violating human-rights
and leading to a civilized Correct your spelling
human rights
society
.Submitted by kalkan_emre on
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task response
You provided a well-rounded response, addressing both points of view and offering relevant examples. However, you could improve by giving a more thorough analysis or by discussing potential drawbacks of each approach to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The paragraph discussing the empowerment of women could be better connected to the rest of the essay. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow.
general advice
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'prohobiting' should be 'prohibiting,' 'restircting' should be 'restricting,' 'woman' should be 'women'). Proofreading would help to catch these small errors, ensuring a polished final essay.
task response
Your use of concrete examples, like the ones from China and South Korea, significantly supports your main points and adds depth to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing your stance. This helps the reader follow your argumentation easily.