IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealty than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective tackling this problem?

#people #environments #unhealty #measures
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Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 feel that city areas show more unhealthy atmosphere than it was. From my perspective, it is caused by higher levels of
pollution
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 produced
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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raising
Verb problem
the rise
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 of
waste
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population density. To tackle these problems,
people
Use synonyms
 should choose to use
frequently
Change the word
frequent
show examples
 public transportation and try to
limite
Correct your spelling
limit
 the
production
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 of
waste
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 or trash.
Vast
Add an article
The vast
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 majority of
citizens
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 in urban areas
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 at least one vehicle to commute every day and it causes more
pollution
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such
Linking Words
 as CO2 released into the environment.
This
Linking Words
 condition makes many
people
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suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from respiratory diseases. In Jakarta
for example
Linking Words
, because of air
pollution
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, numerous
citizens
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 from various types of age groups indicated suffering the respiratory problems.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the
production
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 of
waste
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 seems to be wider than previous, it is
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 lifestyle where more
people
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 are buying many items and throwing them away quickly. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cities should be encouraged to travel by public transportation. If more humans use non-private
vehicles
Use synonyms
, it means that there will decline in the amount of air
pollution
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.
This
Linking Words
 action must be followed by establishing facilities to give a convenient sense of users. The local council and authority have to be proactive in promoting public utilities through advertisements.
Thus
Linking Words
, numerous individuals will be attracted by
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 ads.
In addition
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
 should be more selective
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 purchasing every product so it does not become
Use synonyms
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 in the future. Minimum
waste
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production
Use synonyms
 will In conclusion, the sense of unhealthy in the city areas might come from air
pollution
Use synonyms
 caused by
vehicles
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 and the
rise
Replace the word
rising
show examples
 levels of
waste
Use synonyms
. To address
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must involve
citizens
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to commute
Change preposition
in commuting
show examples
 by using
vehicles
Use synonyms
 facilitated by authorities.
Therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should be more selective
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
 a product so it can discourage
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
waste
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly to the next. Avoid abrupt sentence endings.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, enhance the depth by including more specific details or insights.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are thoroughly supported with evidence or examples. Include specific data or case studies where possible.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on ideas, avoiding repetition. Each point should be distinct and elaborated sufficiently.
task achievement
More relevant specific examples will strengthen your argument. Incorporate statistics, study results, or well-known facts.
task achievement
The essay responds completely to the task, addressing both the problems and solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion present, providing a good structure for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • pollution
  • emissions
  • carbon dioxide
  • nitrogen oxides
  • air quality
  • industrial pollution
  • green spaces
  • factories
  • manufacturing units
  • health issues
  • residents
  • waste management
  • disposal
  • contamination
  • diseases
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • public services
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