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Band 5.5

In the past, the role of the teacher was to provide information. Today, students have access to wide resources of information. There is, therefore, no role for teachers in modern education. Do you agree or disagree?

#role #teacher #information #students #access #resources #teachers #education
Students of the modern world have various
resources
 of
information
,
whereas
this
 was not the case in the past and
teachers
 had the role of
information
 provider.
This
 issue has sparked a debate about whether
teachers
 should have a place in education or not.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some argue that
teachers
 shouldn't have a part in modern education, I strongly disagree with
this
 idea, and
this
 essay will present two primary reasons to support my view.
Firstly
,
nonexistence
Add an article
the nonexistence
show examples
 of
teachers
 may lead to ethical problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Besides
 receiving
information
 and
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 courses, student get to know the etiquette and manners
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
teachers
.
Although
 one can learn any course from external
resources
, they can't learn how to behave properly in the community, what is right and what is wrong,
thus
 causing a rotten civilization in the future.
Therefore
, I believe that if there were no
teachers
, the world would have been a terribly chaotic place.
Secondly
,
teachers
 show their students how to reach any
information
 systematically which is extremely hard to figure out for unexperienced. Admittedly, there are vast
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
resources
 from which an individual can learn;
however
, those
resources
 would be completely useless for someone who
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 know how to look at them in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.
For instance
, there are many textbooks and academic papers you can reach using Google
scholar
Capitalize word
Scholar
show examples
;
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 people still struggle to find useful
information
 from them as they feel lost among
vast
Add an article
the vast
a vast
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
resources
 In conclusion,
event
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
 though one can get
information
 from various
resources
 today, we absolutely need
teachers
 since
teachers
 help a nation to continue its civilization as they teach youth manners of the society they live in
as well as
 they help their pupils
reaching
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
information
 in a systematic way. That's why, I firmly oppose the idea that there is no role for a teacher in today's education system.
Submitted by kalkan_emre on

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task achievement
Continue to refine your paragraphs to make sure each one focuses on a single central idea. While your points are clear, there is room for more detailed examples to support each argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'learing' should be 'learning', 'the world would have been' should be 'the world would be'). Cleaning these up will enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your transitions between paragraphs are smooth. You do a good job introducing and concluding your essay, but connecting your body paragraphs more fluidly could help the overall flow.
introduction
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and clearly states your position, setting up the essay well.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points clearly and reiterates your position, providing a concise end to your essay.
supported main points
The main points presented are relevant to the topic and supported with logical reasoning, demonstrating a clear understanding of the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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