Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?
Government
support is one of the advancement
for any Change to a plural noun
advancements
industries
. Some people Fix the agreement mistake
industry
thinks
that the Change the verb form
think
government
should promote the improvement of school students who are interested in sports
and art, rather than advocate pro events of those activities. This
essay will discuss both aspects mentioned above in the following paragraphs and illustrate the reason why I believe that child’s
development has more beneficial outcomes.
Correct article usage
a child’s
To allocate
a Fix the infinitive
Allocate
government
fund, supporting in
proficient sporting and artistic affairs can offer huge financial gain for Change preposition
apply
economy
, Correct article usage
the economy
for example
, Thai boxing is Thailand’s national sport which greatly attract
tourists every year. If the Change the verb form
attracts
government
advance Thai boxing competition
in terms of marketing, contest Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
facility
, and organized Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
venue
, it may boost Fix the agreement mistake
venues
the
tourism revenue including accommodations, food, and shopping. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, this
can perhaps lead to be
considered as a host to arrange any international competition in the future, if domestic events perform well. Change the verb form
being
Consequently
, the country will derive substantial benefit
from it.
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
However
, if the government
upgrades education for these fields, it possibly provides
many advantages Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
such
as well-prepared
system for students, who want to become an athlete or Add an article
a well-prepared
the well-prepared
artist
, and inspiring excellent activities Fix the agreement mistake
artists
to
kids. Change preposition
for
First,
having a good standard of learning procedure is essential to become successful, while
a huge budget to set it up is needed, for example
, a high-level training consists of a lot of expensive standard equipment: sports
machines, art supplies, studios
. Correct word choice
and studios
Second,
many children are motivated to engage in sports
and art, which are physical and mental exercise
, raising healthy hobbies among young people. Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
This
promotion can probably not only help youth’s well-being but also
increase competitive level
for them as national athletes or Fix the agreement mistake
levels
artist
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
artists
although
professional event endorsement can bring a significant economic benefit, investing in school education structure should be a focus for government
spending since the
it perhaps publicly enhances Remove the article
apply
country’s
potential in Correct article usage
the country’s
sports
and arts of the next generation.Submitted by jubjangjuda on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but there are a few areas that need improvement. Consider adding more specific examples to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, transitioning between ideas more smoothly would enhance coherence. Some sentences could be clearer and more concise.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and relevant to the topic. You have effectively discussed both aspects of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion sections, which is good for overall coherence.
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