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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that educational qualifications will always bring success in life. Other people say that educational qualifications do not necessarily bring success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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To become a successful person, some
people
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 believe that having a
degree
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 from
the
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a
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 university is the best choice to foster their career path,
while
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 others argue that nowadays a higher level of educational attainment is no longer necessary. In my opinion,
although
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an
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apply
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education is not the only factor to consider
level
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the level
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 of success you will have, it is still crucial in many aspects.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons and my standpoint in the following paragraphs. On one hand, we’re in a digital century
that
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where
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people
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 can acquire any knowledge on the internet, and many non-
degree
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 jobs are generated.
For instance
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, there are many
people
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become
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who become
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 well-known influencers by selecting their own interests to create some content on social media. Some of them start their journey with online
course
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courses
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such
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 as how to do videography, editing, and voice recording.
As a result
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, getting a higher level of education is not the only method to have a better life.
On the other hand
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, the truth is that a college
degree
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 is needed for many careers because in some
industry
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industries
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 it is important to have professional knowledge which can only be gained from the university,
for example
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, a person cannot become a certified accountant if he
do
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does
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 not have an accounting
degree
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, or a person who takes a lawyer examination has to graduate from law school.
Moreover
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, to get
promote
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promoted
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 in a company may have a
degree
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 as a prerequisite condition. If a supervisor does not have a
degree
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, he cannot elevate his career path to a manager.
Consequently
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, his advancement in the organization is blocked.
Hence
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, a
degree
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 achievement can lead to success. In conclusion,
although
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 these days a college education
does
Verb problem
is
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 not essential for accomplishment, an undergraduate
degree
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 is continuously required for many occupations, and it may be your advantage for getting
job
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a job
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 promotion.
People
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 should
therefore
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 acknowledge what path they desire and carefully research if the
degree
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 is vital.

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task response
To enhance task response, ensure all parts of the question are addressed in a balanced manner. In this case, further elaboration on your personal opinion and its justification would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while the essay has a clear structure, some transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs could improve the flow. Additionally, be cautious of repetitive language and aim for more varied sentence structures.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and presents a clear thesis statement.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as the mention of influencers and specific professions like accounting and law, which supports the main points well.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing a sense of closure.
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