IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that educational qualifications will always bring success in life. Other people say that educational qualifications do not necessarily bring success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

To become a successful person, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that having a
degree
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 university is the best choice to foster their career path,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that nowadays a higher level of educational attainment is no longer necessary. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education is not the only factor to consider
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
 of success you will have, it is still crucial in many aspects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the reasons and my standpoint in the following paragraphs. On one hand, we’re in a digital century
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can acquire any knowledge on the internet, and many non-
degree
Use synonyms
 jobs are generated.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
become
Correct pronoun usage
who become
show examples
 well-known influencers by selecting their own interests to create some content on social media. Some of them start their journey with online
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as how to do videography, editing, and voice recording.
As a result
Linking Words
, getting a higher level of education is not the only method to have a better life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the truth is that a college
degree
Use synonyms
 is needed for many careers because in some
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 it is important to have professional knowledge which can only be gained from the university,
for example
Linking Words
, a person cannot become a certified accountant if he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have an accounting
degree
Use synonyms
, or a person who takes a lawyer examination has to graduate from law school.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to get
promote
Change the form of the verb
promoted
show examples
 in a company may have a
degree
Use synonyms
 as a prerequisite condition. If a supervisor does not have a
degree
Use synonyms
, he cannot elevate his career path to a manager.
Consequently
Linking Words
, his advancement in the organization is blocked.
Hence
Linking Words
, a
degree
Use synonyms
 achievement can lead to success. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 these days a college education
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not essential for accomplishment, an undergraduate
degree
Use synonyms
 is continuously required for many occupations, and it may be your advantage for getting
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 promotion.
People
Use synonyms
 should
therefore
Linking Words
 acknowledge what path they desire and carefully research if the
degree
Use synonyms
 is vital.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To enhance task response, ensure all parts of the question are addressed in a balanced manner. In this case, further elaboration on your personal opinion and its justification would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while the essay has a clear structure, some transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs could improve the flow. Additionally, be cautious of repetitive language and aim for more varied sentence structures.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and presents a clear thesis statement.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as the mention of influencers and specific professions like accounting and law, which supports the main points well.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing a sense of closure.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: