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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 several types of technology used by families
in contrast
, washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, internet and
DVD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 by American households for five years. Having a myopic look,
it is clear that
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine had the highest levels over the period.
Conversely
, a
dramatically decreased
Replace the word
dramatic decrease
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 in the percentage of
DVD
 players utilized in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 two years.
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four categories experienced a notable upturn during the same period.
Overall
, just about 15% of American families
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
use
DVD
 players.In 1999 the amount of
DVD
 player users
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased to approximately 25%.
Furthermore
, in 1998 the telephones used were considerably increased to nearly 75%.
In contrast
,the percentage of homes with telephones exhibited the most significant increase, surging by roughly 57%,from 18% in 1995 to 75% by 1999.
Submitted by ft00m_309 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words dvd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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