For a long time, art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?
Looking back at history,
it is clear that
over time public attention has deviated from arts to subjects such
as science
, technology and business. Some people
subscribe to the theory that with
choosing art-related majors as their life-long occupation they might encounter financial difficulties in their lives and a lot more hold Change preposition
by
this
firm conviction that it is way easier to find a job related to scientific and business careers but there are solutions to these problems.
So many people
subscribe to the theory that art plays less or no role in enhancing the quality of life by making it more comfortable. To keep up with this
fast-paced world, humans need to be well-informed about marketing strategies, digital
and technological transformations. Correct word choice
and digital
However
, craft cannot satisfy the population
modern needs and wants. Change noun form
population's
For instance
, the recent coronavirus pandemic the creation of relative vaccines proved how much the science
field is remunerative to mankind. Apart from
this
, the growth in various fields
of science
, technological development, and business have
provided immense money-making employment opportunities. In a competitive environment, big companies hire specialists and pay them high Correct subject-verb agreement
has
salary
to increase productivity and economic growth. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
Hence
, in modern societies where money is an essential tool through which security, health and well-being are achieved, people
would rather go after well-paid occupations that guarantees
access to these needs than Correct subject-verb agreement
guarantee
following
a path with Wrong verb form
follow
uncertain
future.
Funding for studying art is what the government can do to create Correct article usage
an uncertain
better
life for Add an article
a better
people
who pursue these fields
. Many artists struggle with making a living or attending a
college. With Correct article usage
apply
funds
they can focus more on creating rather than simply breadwinning. Add a comma
funds,
Besides
, by investing in art-related fields
, we can create as many opportunities as other fields
such
as science
. Human beings are neuralgically hardwired for arts. Hence
, with the creation of related jobs in the market, they will pursue their dream and enter this
work.
In conclusion, there are a number of factors such
as inability
Correct article usage
the inability
in finding
Change preposition
to find
definition
Correct article usage
a definition
in
art Change preposition
of
anduncertain
future Correct your spelling
and uncertain
an uncertain
contrubuting
to losing interest in following Correct your spelling
contributing
such
majors but there are ways such
as funding art-realated majors and creating more career opportunities can tackle this
issue.Submitted by ronakdorrii on
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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and covers the main points. However, try to develop your ideas a bit more comprehensively and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea, and clearly link each paragraph to the main argument of your essay. Use transitional phrases to enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly frame your essay, adding to the readability.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by identifying the causes and suggesting solutions, showing a good grasp of the essay question.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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