For a long time, art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

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Looking back at history,

it is clear that

Linking Words

over time public attention has deviated from arts to subjects

such

Linking Words

science

Use synonyms

, technology and business. Some

people

Use synonyms

subscribe to the theory that

with

Change preposition

show examples

choosing art-related majors as their life-long occupation they might encounter financial difficulties in their lives and a lot more hold

this

Linking Words

firm conviction that it is way easier to find a job related to scientific and business careers but there are solutions to these problems. So many

people

Use synonyms

subscribe to the theory that art plays less or no role in enhancing the quality of life by making it more comfortable. To keep up with

this

Linking Words

fast-paced world, humans need to be well-informed about marketing strategies,

digital

Correct word choice

and digital

show examples

and technological transformations.

However

Linking Words

, craft cannot satisfy the

population

Change noun form

population's

show examples

modern needs and wants.

For instance

Linking Words

, the recent coronavirus pandemic the creation of relative vaccines proved how much the

science

Use synonyms

field is remunerative to mankind.

Apart from

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, the growth in various

fields

Use synonyms

science

Use synonyms

, technological development, and business

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

provided immense money-making employment opportunities. In a competitive environment, big companies hire specialists and pay them high

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

to increase productivity and economic growth.

Hence

Linking Words

, in modern societies where money is an essential tool through which security, health and well-being are achieved,

people

Use synonyms

would rather go after well-paid occupations that

guarantees

Correct subject-verb agreement

guarantee

show examples

access to these needs than

following

Wrong verb form

show examples

a path with

uncertain

Correct article usage

an uncertain

show examples

future. Funding for studying art is what the government can do to create

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life for

people

Use synonyms

who pursue these

fields

Use synonyms

. Many artists struggle with making a living or attending

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

college. With

funds

Add a comma

funds,

show examples

they can focus more on creating rather than simply breadwinning.

Besides

Linking Words

, by investing in art-related

fields

Use synonyms

, we can create as many opportunities as other

fields

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

science

Use synonyms

. Human beings are neuralgically hardwired for arts.

Hence

Linking Words

, with the creation of related jobs in the market, they will pursue their dream and enter

this

Linking Words

work. In conclusion, there are a number of factors

such

Linking Words

inability

Correct article usage

the inability

show examples

in finding

Change preposition

to find

show examples

definition

Correct article usage

a definition

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

art

anduncertain

Correct your spelling

and uncertain

an uncertain

future

contrubuting

Correct your spelling

contributing

to losing interest in following

such

Linking Words

majors but there are ways

such

Linking Words

as funding art-realated majors and creating more career opportunities can tackle

this

Linking Words

issue.

ronakdorriiSun Aug 25 2024

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task achievement

Your essay responds well to the task and covers the main points. However, try to develop your ideas a bit more comprehensively and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea, and clearly link each paragraph to the main argument of your essay. Use transitional phrases to enhance the coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly frame your essay, adding to the readability.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed the task by identifying the causes and suggesting solutions, showing a good grasp of the essay question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

360 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
evolve
technological advancements
overshadowing
financial pressures
practical careers
digital entertainment
accessible
integrated
curricula
fostering
emotional intelligence
public art projects
engage
interactive

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Your opinion

Capital punishment is good for countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

That's no job positions are made specifically for men, and women are capable of any occupation. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is good to hare as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in oder to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.