IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world #adults #home #children #study #technology #development
In today's contemporary era, technology has become cheaper and easily accessible allowing many adults and children to work
while
 staying at home.
Although
this
 was a boon during the recent COVID pandemic, in my opinion now that we are out of danger still continuing with
this
 trend is making us lazy and is
overall
, a negative development. Traditionally, people used to wake up early in the morning, get ready and go to the office to work but in recent times they
stay
Wrong verb form
have stayed
show examples
 in their homes the entire day.
As a result
, the social circle for these people is gradually decreasing as they do not meet anybody.
Moreover
,
recents
Correct your spelling
recent
 studies show that depression rates have increased post-pandemic as staying in a confined space working on
computer
Add an article
a computer
show examples
 gets monotonous
as well as
 can take a toll on mental health. Getting out of your house even if it is to go to work gives an opportunity to take in fresh air, and meeting new people at the office keeps life entertaining.  The easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 technology has not only affected the adult population, but
also
 the younger children. Kids prefer to have online classes than to go to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 as they get to stay in bed for longer. Most children now have both their parents working, and it is incredibly hard for the teachers to keep track of who pays attention during an online seminar.
Therefore
, there is no proper supervision of how much attention is the child paying and if he is grasping something during the session.
In addition
 to that, the kids these days are unable to develop basic communication skills which they could have learned in regular schooling.  In conclusion, I believe that
this
 new trend of working at home is a negative development and is just a euphemism for laziness.
Submitted by khushichhillar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are well-organized, and you have made a good attempt to address both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.
coherence cohesion
The language used is clear and easy to understand, making your ideas accessible to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: