IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is a debate among many individuals that museums and art galleries should present the nation’s art, as opposed to artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#debate #individuals #museums #art #galleries #nation’s #artworks #countries #minutes
Have you ever entered a
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
 and felt surprised about the emphasis on the quality of
art
 rather than how these illustrations reflect your
country
's identity? A vast number of individuals feel that paintworks in
art
 and historical facilities should be exclusive to the
country
 responsible for developing
this
 talent,
while
 others argue that the inclusion of diversity is completely justified. I will discuss the advantages and potential downsides of both perspectives and provide reasoning
to
Change preposition
as to
show examples
 why I believe the importance of national individuality outweighs the potential benefits of cultural diversity. For a
country
 to grow culturally, it must recognise its strengths and weaknesses in different professions.
For instance
,
art
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of
this
 topic, we need to be
proudful
Replace the word
proud
show examples
 of our local painter's works,
recognising
Wrong verb form
recognise
show examples
 their areas of improvement, and
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 the development of their creative minds. That way, people can feel hopeful and ambitious
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
country
's culture.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, opponents argue that bringing artworks from different countries can promote the feeling of unity between different people.
Conversely
, that can only weaken the originality of nations' practices and talents. Which
then
, destroys the sense of identity.
To conclude
, a
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
 is a place of
represintation
Correct your spelling
representation
, it is illogical to stain it with the works of individuals that are not of the nation.
That is
 why I believe in the exclusive nature of
art
 facilities rather than the improper demonstration of diversity. There are plenty of places and ways to depict and illustrate these ideas.
However
, a
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
 is not one of them.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding on your points with more specific examples to further illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Elaborate on the main ideas to provide more depth and clarity. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more naturally. This enhances readability and strengthens overall coherence.
task achievement
You have presented a clear position in your introduction and conclusion, which supports the overall argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: