some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

Some group keep their existence to live in the same way without any
changes
to their heritage and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others tend to develop and open up their mind
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
revolution. In
this
essay, I will discuss and propose ideas and suggestions for both sides.
Firstly
, some
people
enjoy their comfort in living their same
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
.
This
group keep their live circle
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be same. Living
in
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on
show examples
the old path can protect the legacy that has been
follow
Change the verb form
following
followed
show examples
for many generations. Especially prevents strangers from ruining the community's lives.
Such
as
Badui
Correct article usage
the Badui
show examples
Dalam tribe,
they don’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
want to expose their community to
external
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the external
show examples
world to keep their purity.
Furthermore
, modernization and the cost
living
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of living
show examples
force some
people
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
challenging society and want to face
changes
on their path.
This
group event living abroad far away from their origin to find
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
better life and
further
opportunity. The increase of civilization and housing needs
also
some
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
for some community to leave their own society. Some traditional professions
also
have been
wipe
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wiping
wiped
show examples
out
due to
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
era and
changes
in
of
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apply
show examples
human needs. Some productive manpower leaves their village just to get a better livelihood. In conclusion, willing
changes
are
positive
Add an article
a positive
the positive
show examples
approach to gain
people
's needs to move forward.
Changes
also
can give opportunities to increase the standard of life. Living in the same way can lead
people
to be selfish and isolated from the wider society.
Submitted by dedisigal on

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task achievement
Good attempt at addressing the topic and providing a balanced view of both sides.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of both perspectives regarding change and tradition.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay's topic well, and there is an attempt to conclude the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
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