In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweight the disadvantages?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
having
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
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population is
burden
Add an article
a burden
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for
government
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the government
show examples
,
other
Correct word choice
while other
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people
Use synonyms
believe that it is important to society.
While
Linking Words
it is true that
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population might
creates
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create
show examples
several
problems
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, I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
of having elderly
people
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the disadvantages. There might be several disadvantages for both society and governments.
Firstly
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, young
people
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work for elderly
person's
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people's
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medical treatment and
this
Linking Words
cause
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causes
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some taxation
problems
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. Governments have to invest money and build social
infrasturactre
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infrastructure
for elderly
people
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who
does
Verb problem
are
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not able to take care
themselves
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of themselves
show examples
.
Secondly
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, If you walk into a hospital in my country, you are likely to see a lot more elderly
people
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than you did in past. In fact,
this
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causing significant
problems
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as there is a shortage of beds. On top of
this
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, one of the biggest
problems
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these days is dementia. Even if old
people
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still fit, they may not be able to look after themselves. They may have to live with their children or be cared for
in
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at
show examples
home, which can be expensive.
However
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, not all old
people
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become ill. Those who remain
healty
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healthy
can enjoy a happy old age as long as they have saved enough money.
People
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are much active in their sixties
ans
Correct your spelling
and
seventies than they used to be and
this
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can only be a good thing. They have time to enjoy their retirement and do a range of activities that they could not do when they
were work
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were working
show examples
.
Thus
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, they provide
tourisim
Correct your spelling
tourism
income for governments. They can
also
Linking Words
help look after their grandchildren, which is a great benefit for working parents.
In addition
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, we utilize their wisdom and life
experince
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experience
.
To sum up
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, I believe that a longer life
expextancy
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expectancy
is
abviously
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obviously
advantageous, but no one wants to live too if they only cause
problems
Use synonyms
for their family and society.
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance clarity. This is particularly important for IELTS essays, where language accuracy is assessed.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your points. While some examples were provided, they were rather general and could be more detailed.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the main argument from the start and summarizing it at the end.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some good ideas presented, particularly in the second half of the essay, about the positive impacts of an ageing population, such as contributing to tourism and providing wisdom and experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • financial strain
  • pension costs
  • healthcare costs
  • shrinking workforce
  • economic productivity
  • volunteer work
  • family bonds
  • economic growth
  • life experiences
What to do next:
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