IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that playing games and tv programs is beneficial but others say it doesnt improve the mental ability of children . What extend do you agree or disagree.

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It is undoubtedly true that
to improve
Change the verb form
improving
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children
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's mental
ability
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 is now a major concern. It is opined that playing
games
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as well as
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tv
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TV
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 serials is helpful
while
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 others feel that these have implications on
children
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's mental
ability
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.
However
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, I agree with the former statement and will prove my stand with
logical
Correct article usage
a logical
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 explanation in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, a certain group of individuals tend to believe that online
games
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 and
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tv
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TV
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programmes
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 are assistive for the growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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.
To begin
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 with, it is not only a convenient way to be entertained but
also
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 to
pass
Verb problem
spend
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 quality time
for
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with
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 the
children
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.
Since
Correct word choice
apply
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,
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apply
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tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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programmes
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 work effectively in terms of knowing different cultures around the world
as well as
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to get
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getting
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 rid of tiredness after a hectic day. Other than that distinct types of useful skills can be learned
through
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in
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this
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 way. If we consider one example
Verb problem
,
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that is
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 one of my cousins can type the computer keyboard
more
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apply
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faster than the previous
because
Correct pronoun usage
one because
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 of playing computer
games
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 regularly.
On the other hand
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, the rest of the people opined that it is detrimental for the
children
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 when it comes to their mental health. If the
children
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 continuously stick with both
games
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 and
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tv
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TV
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programmes
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then
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 they will
loose
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lose
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 their thinking
ability
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 soon from different perspectives based on certain circumstances. As the remedy of the lost mental health is not that easy. They will become more sluggish to participate in any physical activity and that's why affected by severe mental diseases. Let's take
an
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the
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 example of Sweden where 40% of the population has been affected by eye problems. In conclusion, the essay discussed points which
is
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as
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 the effectiveness of
games
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 and
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tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
programmes
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 on
the
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apply
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children
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's mental
ability
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 and
also
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 the possible implications
along with
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 some outcomes.

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task achievement
Clarify your position more distinctly in the introduction. Mention whether you fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Try to integrate more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and connection to each other. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This is good and essential for coherence.
task achievement
Using personal examples, like the cousin's improved typing speed, adds a personal touch and can make the argument more relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • analytical thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social abilities
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • interactive content
  • stress relief
  • relaxation
  • anxiety
  • screen time
  • physical activity
  • eye strain
  • sleep patterns
  • educational value
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