Some people believe that music is a universal language that can bring people together, while others think that it is a form of entertainment that has little real value in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #music #language #form #entertainment #value #society

Music

is the most abstract form of art and it can

expresses

Change the verb form

express

show examples

various emotions. Some have an opinion

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

music

is global, and it is able to gather

people

from all over the world together;

however

, others believe that it is just a hobby which

people

enjoy. I agree with the first group and both views will be argued in the following paragraphs. As

it is

Verb problem

apply

show examples

mentioned above, some claim that

music

is not

much

Rephrase

very

show examples

valuable and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

an amusement for routine

lives

Fix the agreement mistake

life

show examples

For instance

, songs which are played

Change preposition

show examples

parties and clubs in a loud volume encourage

people

to dance and sing.

On the other hand

, some start their day

Change preposition

with

show examples

melodies which motivate them to go to work with positive energy which helps them to do their job more

functional

Change the word

functionally

show examples

In addition

, many

people

attend

Change preposition

apply

show examples

concerts which are performed by talented singers just because they are

fan

Fix the agreement mistake

fans

show examples

of performers or they want to have fun and spend their time in an amusing atmosphere. Others and I,

in contrast

, opine that

music

is a worthy heritage from humans in the past.

Music

can unite

people

with diverse cultures and ages with different attitudes.

for example

, When an orchestra is being conducted, there are a number of musicians who are playing various instruments

such

as cellos, violins, saxophones and trumpets; they are all composing a piece of art together in their specific way. The point is that these artists may speak in different languages but they communicate with each other with the language of

music

and its notes.

Additionally

people

enjoy listening to instrumental

music

all over the world because these kinds of melodies

bears

Verb problem

have

show examples

positive impacts on humans’

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and

heart

Fix the agreement mistake

hearts

show examples

. In brief, there are two points of

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

: from one perspective,

music

is just

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment; from another, it is a valuable kind of art which can gather

people

together. I agree with the second viewpoint and In my opinion,

music

is a functional way

for

Change preposition

show examples

communication

Replace the word

communicate

show examples

in the world.

Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on Sun Aug 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To improve the overall score, consider refining your examples to be more specific and relevant to the arguments presented. This will help in making your points more persuasive and clear.

coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical flow between different sections of the essay. Using connecting phrases or words can help with making transitions smoother and more natural.

task achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both viewpoints and clearly stating the writer's own opinion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present and well-structured, helping to frame the essay effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

336 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Universal language
Cultural barriers
Linguistic barriers
Emotional bonds
Shared experiences
Cultural heritage
Cultural exchange
Therapeutic benefits
Psychological impact
Mental health
Economic value
Revenue
Employment
Economic growth
Mass consumption
Personal enjoyment
Social engagement
Leisure
Pleasure

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
If racism and xenophobia are attitudes that we are taught , not born with, the problems that come from them can be resolved. Discuss the view and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, racism and xenophobia are becoming more and more discussed attitudes in the public. Although it is something we are taught during our lifetime, not born with, most population think it is just irrational hate for other people without any reason.
6.5
band
You want to learn a language. A teacher who teaches this language lives near the area where you live. Write a letter to the teacher. In your letter: - say how you came to know about him/her - explain why you want to learn this language - ask what help he/she can offer
My name is Gabriella Evans. I live nearby. I am writing to ask for some help with the ancient language you know.
6
band
Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
In today's contemporary and advanced society, some individuals are vigorously concerned about the information they can come across on the internet, in the sense of entailing severe repercussions, such as the traumatizing psychological stance of young springs and mankind in general. However, there is a strong likelihood that the government is able to rectify the issue via providing access to certain websites with only a control feature. I profoundly give credence to that owing to the capability of depletion adversely serendipity also remains an opportunity to have sufficient control for utilization.
7
band
The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent times, with the rise of technology, work is also rapidly changing. With this rapid change, workers cannot depend on their current jobs or their working conditions. There are a few causes of change and solutions for workers to prepare for their future.
4.5
band
Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Living in a small town is a choice for some people, while the others prefer to stay in a metropolitan. I choose to live in a small area rather than the largest one. The reasons of that will be explained in the essay below.

Some people believe that music is a universal language that can bring people together, while others think that it is a form of entertainment that has little real value in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

If racism and xenophobia are attitudes that we are taught , not born with, the problems that come from them can be resolved. Discuss the view and give your own opinion.

You want to learn a language. A teacher who teaches this language lives near the area where you live. Write a letter to the teacher. In your letter: - say how you came to know about him/her - explain why you want to learn this language - ask what help he/she can offer

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.