In the present day, social media plays an important role in young people’s lives. Many people believe that it enhances creativity and global awareness, while others argue it could negatively impact their behavior and attitudes

#media #role #people’s #lives #people #creativity #awareness #impact #behavior #attitudes

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the present day, social

media

plays an important role in young people’s lives. Many people believe that it enhances creativity and global awareness,

while

others argue it could negatively impact their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and attitudes. In the following paragraphs, both points of view will be discussed in detail before

conclusion

Add an article

a conclusion

the conclusion

show examples

is reached. On the one hand, there are many advantages which social

media

provides. The significant one among them is creativity. The internet has vast amounts of interesting information for learning and inspiration, as it gives digital space for sharing ideas and opinions. Nowadays, every aspect of news

present

Add a missing verb

is present

show examples

on social

media

such

as economy, financial, business,

politic

Correct your spelling

politics

show examples

, civic, science and environment,

this

literacy news promotes global awareness for teenagers in every home.

Additionally

Add an article

the medial

show examples

medial

Replace the word

media

show examples

platform provides

teenages

Correct your spelling

teenagers

with avenues to express themself artistically and innovatively

from

Change preposition

show examples

creating and sharing videos on

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

, facebook or

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

show examples

this

leads to

improve

Wrong verb form

improved

show examples

positive self-esteem.

On the other hand

this

platform can

also

have adverse effects on young people. Social

media

addiction and excessive screen time can lead to social

avoidant

Correct your spelling

avoidance

show examples

and decrease communication

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

in real life.

Moreover

, online bullying is a major issue causing potential drawbacks

Change preposition

for

show examples

teenages

Correct your spelling

teenagers

as a result

of depression and mental health issues. Lack of cybersecurity can put personal information or individual identity at risk. In conclusion,

while

social

media

offers various advantages,

such

as creativity, knowledge and self-esteem, it is important to consider the potential negative impacts on children.

Therefore

, parents should take responsibility

to restrict

Change preposition

for restricting

show examples

screen time and carefully select content for their children.

Government

Add an article

The government

show examples

also

has to take action in

punishment

Correct article usage

the punishment

show examples

of cybercrime and

cyber bullying

Correct your spelling

cyberbullying

show examples

This

will help ensure

teenages

Correct your spelling

teenagers

to take maximize profits from social

media

and mitigate adverse

outcome

Fix the agreement mistake

outcomes

show examples

Submitted by sippakorn.wet on Sun Aug 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The response effectively addresses the topic, providing valid points on both sides of the argument. However, including more specific, varied examples can strengthen your arguments even further.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using more transitional phrases would enhance the logical flow and coherence further.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences require grammatical refinement for smoother reading. Also, minor inaccuracies in word choice and spelling should be revised (e.g., 'teenages' should be 'teenagers', 'literacy news' should be 'news literacy').

task achievement

You covered diverse aspects of the issue and presented a balanced view regarding the positive and negative impacts of social media on young people. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. You maintained focus on the key points throughout the essay, which helps in understanding your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are supported with relevant reasons, contributing to the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that many companies post advertisements just to boost the sales of their items which are not too necessary for customers. While I believe that there are some reasons can be used to explain for this idea, I also argue that the opposite is also prevailed.
6.5
band
Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
The debate over government funding for the arts frequently raises questions about whether such resources are better allocated to more pressing societal needs. Nonetheless, I strongly argue that investing in the arts is not merely justifiable but essential for fostering cultural, economic, and societal growth. The arts not only enrich our cultural fabric but also drive economic development and synergize with other vital sectors such as education and technology. This essay will explore why robust government support for the arts is crucial and how it benefits society comprehensively.
8
band
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.
The government believes that economic development is its main ambition, whereas others think that education, healthcare and transportation systems are also significant for a nation. I agree with the latter view because it ensures people's basic needs.
8
band
Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?
Nowadays, international films are more popular among people than domestically produced movies. There could be several reasons for this situation, and I argue that governments should allocate more money to develop local entertainment sectors.
7
band
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasises that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
It is true that businesses frequently promote their "new" products in their advertising in recent years. There are a variety of reasons why companies are likely to introduce their new products in this way, and I believe that this is a negative development.

In the present day, social media plays an important role in young people’s lives. Many people believe that it enhances creativity and global awareness, while others argue it could negatively impact their behavior and attitudes

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The main aim of advertising is increasing sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasises that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?