Social media is becoming increasingly popular almost all age groups however sharing personal information on social media website does have risk do you think that the advantages of social media overweight disadvantages

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Although
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the popularity of social
media
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among all ages of
people
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is increasing significantly, sharing private
information
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on social
media
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is risky. I personally believe that despite the risk of leaking personal and sensitive
information
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to
people
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, the benefits of social
media
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outweigh the drawbacks, because it helps connect
people
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around the world. Social
media
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helps to
share
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personal
information
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among friends, families, and even unknown persons. It brings
risks
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because
people
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sometimes
share
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personal
information
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with each other, without knowing the
risks
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behind it. The young generation sometimes shares their personal photos, and videos, with their loved ones, which gets leaked, and brings severe mental suffering to them.
For example
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, in India, a 17-year-old girl shared her intimate photos with her boyfriend, and after their break up, the boyfriend published and shared that photo with others via social
media
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. That incident leads to a serious mental breakdown of that girl.
However
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, I believe that
this
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case is not applicable always, if proper measures can be taken,
this
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type of incident can be avoided. Social
media
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provides good opportunities for connecting with
people
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around the world.
People
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can even meet and befriend
people
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outside their communities and culture. Through social
media
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,
people
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can easily send messages, and talk with others,
therefore
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, social
media
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has made communication easier. It helps
people
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to
share
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their culture, values, beliefs, and ideas with each other, which increases the sense of solidarity among nations.
People
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can learn about the opinions, and views of others, and can
share
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their ones as well.
For example
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, through Facebook, at least 10 billion
people
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are connected with each other, and
share
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their thoughts, and that promotes global solidarity, peace and unity.
To conclude
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, social
media
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brings
people
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from all age groups together,
however
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, it has some
risks
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.
People
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can connect with each other, but, there are
risks
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of leaking sensitive
information
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
You should try to support your main points with more specific and varied examples, and try to address more dimensions of the issue to provide a holistic view.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by clearly indicating the relationship between ideas, and putting transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Although the structure is quite clear, adding more details to the conclusion could make your essay more impactful and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and present.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media.
task achievement
The use of specific examples adds credibility to your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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