Social media is becoming increasingly popular almost all age groups however sharing personal information on social media website does have risk do you think that the advantages of social media overweight disadvantages
Although
the popularity of social media
among all ages of people
is increasing significantly, sharing private information
on social media
is risky. I personally believe that despite the risk of leaking personal and sensitive information
to people
, the benefits of social media
outweigh the drawbacks, because it helps connect people
around the world.
Social media
helps to share
personal information
among friends, families, and even unknown persons. It brings risks
because people
sometimes share
personal information
with each other, without knowing the risks
behind it. The young generation sometimes shares their personal photos, and videos, with their loved ones, which gets leaked, and brings severe mental suffering to them. For example
, in India, a 17-year-old girl shared her intimate photos with her boyfriend, and after their break up, the boyfriend published and shared that photo with others via social media
. That incident leads to a serious mental breakdown of that girl. However
, I believe that this
case is not applicable always, if proper measures can be taken, this
type of incident can be avoided.
Social media
provides good opportunities for connecting with people
around the world. People
can even meet and befriend people
outside their communities and culture. Through social media
, people
can easily send messages, and talk with others, therefore
, social media
has made communication easier. It helps people
to share
their culture, values, beliefs, and ideas with each other, which increases the sense of solidarity among nations. People
can learn about the opinions, and views of others, and can share
their ones as well. For example
, through Facebook, at least 10 billion people
are connected with each other, and share
their thoughts, and that promotes global solidarity, peace and unity.
To conclude
, social media
brings people
from all age groups together, however
, it has some risks
. People
can connect with each other, but, there are risks
of leaking sensitive information
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task achievement
You should try to support your main points with more specific and varied examples, and try to address more dimensions of the issue to provide a holistic view.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by clearly indicating the relationship between ideas, and putting transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Although the structure is quite clear, adding more details to the conclusion could make your essay more impactful and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and present.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media.
task achievement
The use of specific examples adds credibility to your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite