IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our era is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #era #loss #species #plants #animals
Many individuals believe that the disappearance of some endangered species is the most important environmental trouble
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days. Other people argue that some environmental
problems
 are more serious.
That is
 evident that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
one
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
 might affect the biodiversity and the entire environment.
However
, some environmental troubles might be cause of the
humanity
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humanity's
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 extinction. On the
one
 side, the loss of some species would have
huge
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a huge
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 impact on the environment and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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biodiversity. Every
specie
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species
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 member of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain food chain,
therefore
,
disappearance
Add an article
the disappearance
show examples
 of
one
 member of the chain will cause
disbalance
Correct article usage
a disbalance
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodiversity. The population of
one
specie
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species
show examples
 would
raise
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rise
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 rapidly, and the population of another type
will
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would
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 decrease.
For instance
,
government
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the government
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 of China ordered
nation
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the nation
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 to kill
one
specie
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species
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 of
birds
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bird
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. When
this
 happened, the population of some insects increased and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 of the People’s
republic
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Republic
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 of China faced
the
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apply
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hunger. On the other side, some ecological
problems
 might have more impact on the environment. If
humanity
will concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrates
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 only on
the
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apply
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one
 problem, some trouble may get worse.
The
Correct article usage
Humanity
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humanity
 has more serious
problems
 to solve and if people do not take any
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
, our planet will be less suitable for life.
For example
, global warming is
one
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the most serious
problems
 of modernity. The sea level might increase, in case we don’t take
actions
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action
show examples
 to improve
situation
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the situation
show examples
. In conclusion, some animals and herbs are facing extinction,
moreover
, people need to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 in order to save them.
However
 there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
 troubles that will affect the entire planet. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity
 needs to concentrate on all
problems
 and
solute
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
 all of them, not only
one
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider providing more detailed and varied examples to further strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs to ensure ideas transition smoothly from one to the next. Use clearer topic sentences and connecting words.
task response
The essay clearly addresses both views presented in the prompt and presents a thoughtful conclusion with a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the one involving China’s attempt to eradicate a bird species and its consequences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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