Nowdays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher than that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#nowdays #countries #proportion #population #people #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the present day, the

rate

Use synonyms

of elderly is dramatically increasing throughout the

preroid

Correct your spelling

period

, and it

also

Linking Words

overtook

adult

Correct article usage

the adult

show examples

population. I believe

this

Linking Words

situation is a global issue, which

foster

Change the verb form

fosters

show examples

negative consequences. The first negative of increasing population

Change preposition

show examples

older citizens would directly

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

in declined workforce

particularly

Add the comma(s)

, particularly

show examples

in labour works, which require physical capacity.

This

Linking Words

could lead to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

vacant

Change preposition

apply

show examples

manufactories, resulting in

imbalance

Correct article usage

an imbalance

show examples

employee in

work

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

feild

Correct your spelling

field

. In fact, there are several

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

that

manufacturers

Replace the word

manufacture

show examples

products contained as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

main export

goods

Correct the article-noun agreement

good

show examples

facing

Correct word choice

and facing

show examples

this

Linking Words

situation

also

Linking Words

Verb problem

cause

show examples

a depreciation of

Correct article usage

the economic

show examples

economic

Replace the word

economy

show examples

for the whole

nation

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

not only

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

imbalance

Correct your spelling

imbalanced

show examples

population

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

nation

Use synonyms

's economic scale. Another concern is

tax payers

Correct your spelling

taxpayers

show examples

number

Use synonyms

, affecting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

numerous aspects. The

incraesing

Correct your spelling

increasing

number

Use synonyms

of elderly means

the

Correct article usage

show examples

decreasing

number

Use synonyms

tax payers

Correct your spelling

taxpayers

show examples

. Older people tend to pay less taxes than

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

this

Linking Words

is crucial for the

government

Change noun form

government's

show examples

yearly budget.

In addition

Linking Words

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

not only

paying

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

less taxes

rate

Use synonyms

, but they are

also

Linking Words

in their retirement stage, which the government should provide their support expense.

This

Linking Words

would expose to

Use synonyms

nation

Change noun form

nation's

show examples

finacial

Correct your spelling

financial

instability.

To conclude

Linking Words

, the

rasing

Correct your spelling

rising

show examples

number

Use synonyms

of elderly is crucial for

Use synonyms

nation's

Correct article usage

the nation's

show examples

economic and financial status, considered as a

negetive

Correct your spelling

negative

consequences

Fix the agreement mistake

consequence

show examples

And the

Correct word choice

The

show examples

government in several

Use synonyms

nation

Change to a plural noun

nations

show examples

are striving to address

Correct pronoun usage

this by

show examples

revising

taxes

Fix the agreement mistake

tax rates

show examples

rate

Use synonyms

and announcing new

policy

Fix the agreement mistake

policies

show examples

to increase

fertility

Correct article usage

the fertility

show examples

rate

Use synonyms

Submitted by warattayafinn on Mon Aug 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay should have a clear and concise thesis statement that answers the question. Make sure to clearly state whether you believe the higher proportion of older population is positive or negative at the beginning.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is well-supported with relevant details. For instance, specify examples of countries or industries affected by an aging population to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and coherence. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Pay close attention to your introduction and conclusion. A strong introduction sets up your argument, while a good conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. This will not only improve the readability but also the overall clarity of your ideas.

task achievement

You provide a clear viewpoint that the increasing proportion of the older population is a negative development, which directly addresses the essay question.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing negative consequences, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Over-reliance on modern technology means that people are failing to learn, or are forgetting many basic skills. To what extent is this true? Are people becoming so reliant on modern technology that they are no longer able to do some things without it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays with the abundance of different inventions, we can notice a very clear fad, that a lot of young people rely too much on their smartphones, computers and tablets; to the extent, that they often over-depend on contemporary devices. Consequently, this observation raises a very important question: "Are we, as humans, becoming so addicted to technologies that we start forgetting some basic skills?" In this essay, we will try to answer this question.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In recent years,in many cities,more and more people becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.Really,even in my hometown-small city named Zharkent happen it.This situation has two big questions what are the reasons for this?and,How can people research this?In this essay, l am going to give you my opinion about it.
6.5
band
easily. In addition, the city is central to the state, trade, education and many sectors of the human being so society tends to find new experiences and broaden their horizon in the metropolitan which supports people’s capability at work.
In the past, it was common for people to live and work in the countryside. Nowadays, many people are more likely to stay and get a job in the cities, and as a result, the number of inhabitants in the countryside has decreased considerably. In this essay I will argue that moving from the countryside, on the one hand, is essential for getting a new job and expanding the experiences, on the other hand, it has an impact on the economic downturn in the countryside.
7
band
Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Some museums have an admission charge while some do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an entrance fee are eclipsed by its benefits in the sense that the income will be ploughed back into operation and development of the museums.
4.5
band
Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
It is an arguative issue that the expension of weddings is more and more popular within extremely high budget. The primary causes stem from gaining a reputation and the increase of personal income, which lead to unwanted result of operator's depression.

Nowdays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher than that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

easily. In addition, the city is central to the state, trade, education and many sectors of the human being so society tends to find new experiences and broaden their horizon in the metropolitan which supports people’s capability at work.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?