IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benefit
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Most
staff
Use synonyms
officer
Change to a plural noun
officers
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 given by
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 the facilities
Use synonyms
Change preposition
for sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs
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 and
also
Linking Words
 they
got
Wrong verb form
get
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card
Use synonyms
 membership to join gyms,
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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would
be
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their
staff
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 more well beings and
focus
Replace the word
focused
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 at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, other employees argue
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
show examples
 no benefit from them. Because health is pivotal for
staff
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members
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,
same
Add an article
the same
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company
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 gives membership for their
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employees
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 to follow
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sport club
Fix the agreement mistake
sports clubs
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likewise
Linking Words
 soccer and gym. Other
staff
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 think
that is
Linking Words
 not
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
 because it is spending many
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 and
energy
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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. On the one hand, some
staff
Use synonyms
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
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 have
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
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 joining
soccer
Correct article usage
a soccer
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 club
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 more
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
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.
However
Linking Words
, they will burn their calories which are not outstanding for their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. For
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 reason, why the
company
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 help them to give
card
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 when they want to join the
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs
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 they can get
discount
Correct article usage
a discount
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
members
Use synonyms
 can get free 50 % if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 use the
card
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 given by employers.
As a result
Linking Words
, they
more be healthy
Replace the word
are healthier
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 than
staff
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 not join
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 programs. After that, they have more
energy
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 than
employment
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 not
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
 physical exercise.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
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employment
Replace the word
employers
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 argue that spending much time. Since they must regularly
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
join the
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 center programs,
for example
Linking Words
, footballs and gyms.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they decide no join the
Use synonyms
clubs
Change to a genitive case
club's
clubs'
show examples
members
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 are given free to join there,
staff
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 think
that
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not impact
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their occupation.
in addition
Linking Words
, they could be spending much more
energy
Use synonyms
 to do sports. when they play futsal,
Use synonyms
staff
Add an article
the staff
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 becomes exhausted because it spent
energy
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, after joining
clubs
Use synonyms
 and gym programs; they will not focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 work
To sum up
Linking Words
, most
staff
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 are helped
card
Use synonyms
members
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 by
company
Use synonyms
 which is support their healthy. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they will focus
to do
Change preposition
on doing
show examples
 their work.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, other
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 think that it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not impact
performance
Correct article usage
the performance
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 jobs because it can
spend many
Verb problem
take a lot of
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and
energy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which is good practice for essay writing.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the importance of health and well-being for employees.
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