Some people believe that economic progress is the only factor that can be used to measure a country’s success. Some others argue that there are some other factors. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Several
citizens
argue that financial progress plays the most significant role,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
it can be used to calculate the success levels of a
country
. Others believe that there are some issues which
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
valuable to be measured. In
this
essay, I will discuss both of these opinions and give my own perspective. A
country
which has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
stable
Replace the word
stability
show examples
will become more secure because people there can pay taxes on time and
this
condition makes the government
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
huge revenues. If the
citizens
do not have enough
money
, the income of the
country
will decrease. It means that there will be limited
money
to be used to establish and maintain public facilities.
This
situation will directly lead a
country
in the big issues because they can not provide good utilities for their
citizens
and it is categorized as lowering the progress of a nation. In Indonesia,
for instance
, there are numerous people who live in
non-stable
Correct your spelling
unstable
show examples
financial, so they can not
fulfil to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay taxes and nowadays Indonesia is facing a fall in financial revenues.
Instead
of accounting
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
status of financial burdens, there are several measurements which can show a
country
's progress including the availability of healthcare, the happiness index of inhabitants and access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
basic needs
such
as food and clean water. If
citizens
can get these easily, the government can be defined as a successful nation because all or
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
show examples
majority of their inhabitants can live and feel happy.
For instance
, there are several people in various regions who are suffering from happiness crisis because they do not have time to enjoy and gather with their family. Even though they have a lot of
money
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can buy the time with family that has lost.
This
condition makes them stressful. It is a piece of evidence that
money
is not always useful. in conclusion, even though a financial index is important to measure a
country
's success
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for me, it will be more valuable if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
puts their focus
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
other sectors including healthcare, the happiness index of
citizens
and
Correct article usage
the availabilty
show examples
availabilty
Correct your spelling
availability
of basic needs.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by avoiding minor grammatical errors and maintaining consistent verb tenses to enhance overall readability.
task achievement
Strengthen the argument by providing more concrete examples and further elaborating on points to ensure comprehensive coverage.
task achievement
Good job on presenting both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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