Some people believe that economic progress is the only factor that can be used to measure a country’s success. Some others argue that there are some other factors. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
Several
citizens
argue that financial progress plays the most significant role, then
it can be used to calculate the success levels of a Correct word choice
and then
country
. Others believe that there are some issues which more
valuable to be measured. In Add a missing verb
are more
this
essay, I will discuss both of these opinions and give my own perspective.
A country
which has the
economic Correct article usage
apply
stable
will become more secure because people there can pay taxes on time and Replace the word
stability
this
condition makes the government earning
huge revenues. If the Wrong verb form
earn
citizens
do not have enough money
, the income of the country
will decrease. It means that there will be limited money
to be used to establish and maintain public facilities. This
situation will directly lead a country
in the big issues because they can not provide good utilities for their citizens
and it is categorized as lowering the progress of a nation. In Indonesia, for instance
, there are numerous people who live in non-stable
financial, so they can not Correct your spelling
unstable
fulfil to
pay taxes and nowadays Indonesia is facing a fall in financial revenues.
Verb problem
apply
Instead
of accounting the
status of financial burdens, there are several measurements which can show a Change preposition
for the
country
's progress including the availability of healthcare, the happiness index of inhabitants and access of
basic needs Change preposition
to
such
as food and clean water. If citizens
can get these easily, the government can be defined as a successful nation because all or vast
majority of their inhabitants can live and feel happy. Correct article usage
the vast
For instance
, there are several people in various regions who are suffering from happiness crisis because they do not have time to enjoy and gather with their family. Even though they have a lot of money
but
they can buy the time with family that has lost. Correct word choice
apply
This
condition makes them stressful. It is a piece of evidence that money
is not always useful.
in conclusion, even though a financial index is important to measure a country
's success but
for me, it will be more valuable if Correct word choice
apply
government
puts their focus Add an article
the government
into
other sectors including healthcare, the happiness index of Change preposition
on
citizens
and Correct article usage
the availabilty
availabilty
of basic needs.Correct your spelling
availability
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by avoiding minor grammatical errors and maintaining consistent verb tenses to enhance overall readability.
task achievement
Strengthen the argument by providing more concrete examples and further elaborating on points to ensure comprehensive coverage.
task achievement
Good job on presenting both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite