the chart shows British emmigration to several destinations between 2004 and 2007

the chart shows British emmigration to several destinations between 2004 and 2007
IELTS Writing Task Chart for the chart shows British emmigration to several destinations between 2004 and 2007
The given bar chart illustrates the concept of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
migration by British people to particular locations
such
Linking Words
as, in the USA, Australia, Spain, New Zealand and France from 2004 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
even though every country albeit to varying degrees with Australia
topping
Wrong verb form
tops
show examples
the chart
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the lowest proportion was registered by New Zealand. As
it was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mentioned above Australia reached a peak and
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
approximately 51
thousand
Use synonyms
people in 2006 but in 2004 it was approximately 41
thousand
Use synonyms
and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
year go down by 2
thousand
Use synonyms
and in 2007 a dip sharp of 42
thousand
Use synonyms
. One of the beautiful country
that is
Linking Words
  Spain significantly decreased in 2007
while
Linking Words
in 2004, 2005 and 2006 increased to about 25
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, France rose by around 22
thousand
Use synonyms
in 2004
while
Linking Words
in 2005 grew by around 10
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
both New Zealand and the USA recorded migration figures below 25,000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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