IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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In today's society,
competition
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 is a more common activity. Some
people
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 believe that
competition
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 in society is a beneficial activity.
While
Linking Words
 others think, that individuals try to engage with each other. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views to gain appropriate knowledge and I will support my opinions with concrete examples. On the one hand,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 way of
competition
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improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 the
work
Use synonyms
 speed limit. To illustrate in corporate companies most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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are
Wrong verb form
compete
show examples
competing
Add the preposition
competing for
show examples
 their
work
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 with their colleagues.
Moreover
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, it helps
complete
Correct pronoun usage
them complete
show examples
 their
work
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 on time.
For example
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, there was a recent interview given by Usain Bolt he said that he still has a
Use synonyms
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 habit with his opponent.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can achieve their goals when they start to compete with others.
In other words
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, when the
competition
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 starts they automatically increase their energy to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the particular event.
Therefore
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,
people
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 need
competition
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 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to achieve their goals.
On the other hand
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, when
people
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 try to cooperate more it leads to
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 a good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. In brief, a good relationship
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cooperation and patience and
also
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 it helps to keep their mind happy and stress relief.
For instance
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, the recent news on BBC was that Apple company combined with Nike to sell their products and
this
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 idea increased their sales as well.
Thus
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, trying to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other helps to keep their life happy and peaceful. In conclusion, cooperating more with
people
Use synonyms
 leads to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 good relationships,
while
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 the benefits of
competition
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 at
work
Use synonyms
 improve
work
Use synonyms
 speed and achieve their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 would improve their skills.
Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better readability. Consider using more linking words and phrases to smoothly transition from one idea to another.
task achievement
Expand on each of your points with more depth and detail. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. For example, you might delve deeper into why competition increases productivity or how cooperation can lead to happiness.
general
Try to use specific, varied, and appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures. This will enrich your writing and improve overall clarity. Avoid repetitive phrases and expressions.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
Relevant examples that support the main points effectively. This enhances the argument and makes it more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion, which satisfies the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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