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Writing Samples
Band 4

the diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. Summarize the information by selecting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

the diagram shows the procedure for university entry for high school graduates. Summarize the information by selecting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flowchart illustrates the admission
process
Use synonyms
 for high school graduates.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is a long
process
Use synonyms
 and documentation is the essential core of the whole procedure. Individuals must secure
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 high school degree prior
starting
Change preposition
to starting
show examples
 the admission
process
Use synonyms
 followed by completing an application form which is downloadable from
website
Add an article
the website
show examples
. Forms
then
Linking Words
 are sent to the
admin
Use synonyms
, who
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decides the compatibility of an applicant by going through the
documents
Use synonyms
 submitted. If the
documents
Use synonyms
 are enough,
admin
Use synonyms
 accepts
compete's
Correct article usage
the compete's
show examples
 enrolment within two weeks and
Use synonyms
process
Correct article usage
the process
show examples
 of subject selection begins. Once subjects are confirmed,
dean
Correct article usage
the dean
show examples
 initiates the registration
process
Use synonyms
 and
applicant
Correct article usage
the applicant
show examples
 enters the university.
However
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
admin
Correct article usage
the admin
show examples
 feels that the
documents
Use synonyms
 are incomplete, a provisional acceptance is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declared after two weeks where individuals can again compile the
documents
Use synonyms
 needed and submit
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to the
admin
Use synonyms
 for evaluation. In case the candidate is not suitable, the application is rejected provided with two options.
First,
Linking Words
the application can be submitted again but for the alternative course or else it can be directly cancelled.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, admin, documents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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