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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart gives information regarding the percentage of illiterate people in the
last
Linking Words
 year in different regions, split by gender.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that in all zones
female's
Change noun form
female
show examples
 percentage of illiteracy was higher than
male's
Change noun form
males
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Looking at Sub-Saharan Africa and Arab States,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 who could not read were dramatically more than males, 48% and 51% against 31% and 29% respectively. In South Asia the pattern is similar, with 32% of illiterate males and over 55% of females,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the highest figure in the chart. Regarding East Asia,
Correct article usage
the female's
show examples
female's
Change noun form
female
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 rate was more than double the
male's
Change noun form
male
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, with 20% against less than 10%. Turning to Latin American and developed countries, we can see a different situation. The general trend was respected but with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less difference between the
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
. In fact, in Latin
Add a comma
American,
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American
Correct your spelling
America
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 the male's rate was 10% and the female's
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was weakly over that.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the percentages were
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
near zero in the developed countries.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we can see that generally there were
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 illiterate men than women, with a smaller difference in the rates in Latin America and developed countries.
Submitted by ballotta.sofi on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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