IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, the majority of people are confused about how to live their working
life
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. Is it better to stay in the same
company
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 for a whole period, or is working in different places more effective for a professional
life
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?
Firstly
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,
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 activity in one working space leads to degradation. Obviously, workers can achieve success and stability in their
post
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posts
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,
however
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, there is no development.
Moreover
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, sometimes
life
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 leads to the point when workers do not have the opportunity to grow in their profession. People who are employed in the same
company
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 for their whole
life
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 are not broad-minded, they do not know how
life
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 is going outside their association.
For example
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, my uncle
works
Wrong verb form
has worked
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 for one
company
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 for his whole
life
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. He does not have developed skills, his knowledge is outdated.
According to
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 the community who have diverse working lives, every new
company
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 can help them in developing their competent lives. New colleagues and bosses can show them new and various ways of working. Experts can compare and choose their comfortable
company
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. Humans with
this
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 style of
life
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 have various ideas of how to grow in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
For instance
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, my sister-in-law is fond of changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work spaces
Correct your spelling
workspaces
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. Her skills are developing every time she knows how to adapt to innovations. Every single change teaches her something new. In conclusion, society argues which way of working has more benefits. In my opinion, the better way is to work in diverse organizations. More experience can develop competent skills and expand horizons.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear response to the task, it would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the opposing view. Try to explain in more detail why some people prefer to work for the same organization and provide specific examples or reasons to support this view.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are introduced clearly. However, work on providing a more logical progression and clear structure to your argument. Each paragraph should clearly link to the next. Consider using more cohesive devices to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The examples you provide are good, but they could be more relevant and specific. Try to integrate examples that directly support your main points more thoroughly.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear presentation of the two opposing views, establishing the context effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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