in the future, more and more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree.

More
people
will select
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
on
vacation
in their own
country
rather than travel abroad on
vacation
. I completely agree with the statement above. For the following reasons
:.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Many
people
choose to
vacation
in their own
country
due to
the fact that they are not required to make a passport
for going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
overseas for a holiday. Especially
people
who live in a
country
that has a
lot
of tourist attractions,
such
as
Indonesia
.
Indonesia
is popular with
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
because it has a
lot
of
island
Change to a plural noun
islands
show examples
. One of the most popular
island
Change to a plural noun
islands
show examples
in
Indonesia
is Bali and Lombok. Both islands are the most popular places for visitors to
vacation
. Bali and Lombok have different cultures, and the
people
are friendly to visitors.
On the other hand
, if we
vacation
in our own
country
, we do not need to learn a foreign language, so we can more easily communicate with other
people
.
For instance
, if we want to rent a villa or order some food in a restaurant. In
Correct your spelling
addition
adition
Add a comma
adition,
show examples
we do not need to spend a
lot
of money and time. I believe that in
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
country
, the cost is cheaper than abroad, and with the cheaper cost, we can get a worthwhile facility and decent service.
However
, going on
vacation
abroad has benefits
such
as increasing insight and new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
. But in our own
country
, we can get a
lot
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
by learning about the culture of
variouse
Correct your spelling
various
kinds of islands in our
country
, especially
Indonesia
, which is rich in culture. And that can be a benefit for us. In conclusion,
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
in our own
country
is better than
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad, because we
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
required
Add the particle
required to
show examples
spend our money and time.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured overall, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, be cautious with minor grammatical errors and ensure that each section transitions smoothly to maintain a higher level of coherence.
task achievement
While you’ve provided relevant examples and specific points, try to expand on these ideas a bit more to make your argument even stronger. Adding a bit more depth to your explanations can help improve your score in terms of Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering your main points effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples, like mentioning Indonesia, Bali, and Lombok, which strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
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