IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in the future, more and more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree.

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
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More
people
Use synonyms
 will select
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
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 on
vacation
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
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 rather than travel abroad on
vacation
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with the statement above. For the following reasons
:.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 Many
people
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 choose to
vacation
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 in their own
country
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due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are not required to make a passport
for going
Change preposition
to go
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 overseas for a holiday. Especially
people
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 who live in a
country
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 that has a
lot
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 of tourist attractions,
such
Linking Words
 as
Indonesia
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.
Indonesia
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 is popular with
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 because it has a
lot
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 of
island
Change to a plural noun
islands
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. One of the most popular
island
Change to a plural noun
islands
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 in
Indonesia
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 is Bali and Lombok. Both islands are the most popular places for visitors to
vacation
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. Bali and Lombok have different cultures, and the
people
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 are friendly to visitors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we
vacation
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 in our own
country
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, we do not need to learn a foreign language, so we can more easily communicate with other
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, if we want to rent a villa or order some food in a restaurant. In
Correct your spelling
addition
adition
Add a comma
adition,
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 we do not need to spend a
lot
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 of money and time. I believe that in
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
country
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, the cost is cheaper than abroad, and with the cheaper cost, we can get a worthwhile facility and decent service.
However
Linking Words
, going on
vacation
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 abroad has benefits
such
Linking Words
 as increasing insight and new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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. But in our own
country
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 , we can get a
lot
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experience
Change preposition
of experience
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 by learning about the culture of
variouse
Correct your spelling
various
 kinds of islands in our
country
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, especially
Indonesia
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, which is rich in culture. And that can be a benefit for us. In conclusion,
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
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 in our own
country
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 is better than
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad, because we
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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required
Add the particle
required to
show examples
 spend our money and time.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured overall, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, be cautious with minor grammatical errors and ensure that each section transitions smoothly to maintain a higher level of coherence.
task achievement
While you’ve provided relevant examples and specific points, try to expand on these ideas a bit more to make your argument even stronger. Adding a bit more depth to your explanations can help improve your score in terms of Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering your main points effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples, like mentioning Indonesia, Bali, and Lombok, which strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
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