IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the would are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?

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Over the
last
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 30 years, many towns in the world have been suffering from traffic jam issues caused by increasing the total number of drivers who drive their own
cars
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. I believe it is a true problem that we are facing nowadays and the government should improve public
transportation
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 in order to gain more people travelling by non-private
vehicles
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. The improvement of the quality of
cars
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 followed by decreasing prices has been successful in attracting a lot of individuals from various regions and it causes almost every family to have at least one car. In Jakarta,
for example
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, the vast majority of citizens commute using a car or motorcycle and
this
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 condition accounts for roads are fulfilled by these, particularly in the rush time
such
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 as mornings and late evenings. The biggest reason why they use private
cars
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 is because of cheaper if we compare them with other types provided by the local council.
In addition
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, using private
vehicles
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therefore
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 is more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
. It is happening because several public
transportation
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 have poor management and uncompleted facilities. To tackle
this
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, the government should focus on developing public areas especially regarding
with
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apply
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transportation
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. It must be
accessiablr
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accessible
, cheap and
provid
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provide
 proper utilities in order to gain inhabitants commuting by non-private
cars
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. In terms of easy
to
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access, the authorities have to build stations in busy areas
such
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 as offices and market centres.
Besides
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 that, not only focus on raising the quantity, but the government must
therefore
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 lower the price of public
transportation
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, so
thus
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 it can compete with their own
vehicles
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.
Moreover
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, local councils should provide better facilities and equipment to boost people's attention. In conclusion, I fully believe that the traffic jam has become a huge problem nowadays.
This
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 situation is happening
as a result
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 of the lowering prices of
cars
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 by companies so people can afford to buy easily. The best measurement to discourage citizens from using private
vehicles
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 is by providing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high-quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
transportation
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are well-developed and fully supported with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the structure of your paragraphs to ensure that each one presents a single clear idea.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraph transitions and connectors more effectively to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence variety and lexical resource to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and considers both aspects of the question.
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