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Band 5.5

Most people in the world have to work to earn a living. However, many people work only for the financial gain that it involves, and not for any other rewards that a job can offer. What do you think the main consideration when deciding what job to take should be?

#people #world #work #gain #rewards #job #offer #consideration
Most adults work only to live and earn money. but a considerable number of adults work for more than just financial gain. In my opinion, a job is not only a means of living but
also
 holds a lot of your personality as well. Some people will consider working high-earning jobs to live a comfortable life. surely working to earn can provide financial stability and ease of living
furthermore
 if a man works in a stable job with a good salary it will be a good choice.
for example
, women who work in mid-level management have lower stress levels. Working in respectful jobs the community can held deer by others. To illustrate a doctor or lawyer is a good-paying job but they have another side to it. the ability to save people's lives and the respect that comes with it. In conclusion,
although
 working to achieve financial stability is one way of thinking. working to achieve personal goals can be more meaningful.
Submitted by yalkharboush on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, but it could be more comprehensive by addressing a wider range of considerations people might have when choosing a job.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Using transition words or phrases could help improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and illustrate your points better.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
supported main points
You have provided some good points related to financial stability and personal satisfaction in a job.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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