Many people think that happiness relies on the responsibility of individuals; others think that it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion by using examples from your personal experience.
Some
people
believe mirth depends on your onus
, while
some
others believe other Correct quantifier usage
apply
factors
affect their gratification. This
essay will discuss on
both views and give an opinion, Change preposition
apply
why
peace of mind Change preposition
on why
depend
on other Change the verb form
depends
factors
such
as achievement
of goal, wealth and Correct article usage
the achievement
their
desires.
To commence with, some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
ponder the joy and rely on your onus
because they think they will be happier if they have less duty. For instance
, a man has to take care of children, his wife, and his parents' prosperity so if the family is big the duty will be more so he will be less contented. Moreover
, more onus
means more work to do which always gives you stress and in a bad mood. For example
, if you have children a person has to leave them to
school and pick them up, care of study and so on. Change preposition
at
Furthermore
, there will be other members also
so more work there will be and more stress. Hence
, enjoyment relies on individual obligation.
However
, some people
believe it's
Change the verb form
it depends
depends
other Add the preposition
depends on
factors
such
as wealth, job, their
goal and Correct pronoun usage
apply
their
desires. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Firstly
, people
become happy when they have enough money to fulfill
all their requirements. Change the spelling
fulfil
Apart from
this
, they become mirth with the employment, when they got according to
their qualification. To exemplify, a recent study concluded that 80% of people
are happy when they are satisfied with their job and able to fulfill
their necessities. Change the spelling
fulfil
Besides
, all people
have their own goal which they want to achieve so when they grab their targets they will become happy. Therefore
, other factors
like job, achievement of goals and standard of living assist to give full of joy.
To sum up
, on the one hand, people
think more responsibility, the more they will become unhappy, so contentment depends on onus
, while
on the other hand
, other people
believe factors
play a crucial role in the enjoyment of people
. But, in my opinion, rather than onus
prosperity depend
on the Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
people
's achievement and their inner satisfy
.Replace the word
satisfaction
Submitted by alviusman18 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the main points of the argument, but be sure to refine your discussion on each view for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between your points to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While your points are generally supported, providing more detailed and relevant examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You addressed both perspectives of the topic clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a concise introduction and a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The main points are mostly well-supported with relevant examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?