Writing task 1. The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Writing task 1. The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given diagram illustrates the procedure of creating
sugar
from
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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.
Overall
, it is evident that
this
process contains
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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7 various operations . It starts with growing the
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
and ends with drying and cooling the
sugar
. Regarding the first operation , which is growing
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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, it usually takes from 12 to 18 months for a
sugar
cane to be mature enough to harvest . After that , the harvesting begins and is divided into 2 stages . Either it is done manually by humans or by a heavy machine which is more convenient . From here , the manufacturing begins by crushing the
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
in another machine which produces juice .
Then
this
juice is collected in large bowls and is purified using
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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filter. The final product of
previous
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the previous
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stage is
then
poured into
a
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an
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evaporator which
turn
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turns
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juice into syrup by heating the mixture . Regarding the remaining processes ,
sugar
crystals are separated from syrup in a centrifuge before
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
fructose crystals are dried and cooled in a certain device .
Submitted by MohammadReza on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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