More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?
Nowadays, an increasing number of adolescent people from rich countries are spending their time doing unpaid work in communities in poor ones.
This
essay will discuss some reasons which support their action, and evaluate benefits for both sides to consider who obtain
more advantages.
There are several reasons why Correct subject-verb agreement
obtains
the
juveniles in affluent Correct article usage
apply
nation
tend to Fix the agreement mistake
nations
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
volunteer to do some social actions in needy Correct article usage
apply
society
. Fix the agreement mistake
societies
Firstly
, it offers a brilliant opportunity to help humanity and gain valuable experience, which is perhaps rare
social Correct article usage
a rare
events
that cannot easily be found in developed states. To Fix the agreement mistake
event
be illustrate
, volunteer work can potentially bring these individuals new Change the verb form
illustrate
perspective
and motivation from visiting underprivileged areas, leading to Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
sharpen
their sense of empathy. Change the verb form
sharpening
Secondly
, volunteering can advance a career since participants have a chance to practice essential skills used in university or workplace
. Correct article usage
the workplace
Moreover
, a rising number of organizations gradually turn
to Wrong verb form
turning
address
unpaid work experience for their member selection. If these people aim to apply to Wrong verb form
addressing
university
or company, Correct article usage
a university
in
which Change preposition
apply
focus
on Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
this
area, being a part of social affairs will possibly be received
comparative advantages Wrong verb form
receive
to
their rivals.
Change preposition
over
However
, there are also
positive impact
on host societies, Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
for example
, these unions, which are considered as low-quality of
living standards, may acquire crucial abilities to upgrade their well-being, because those immatures provide effective skills and knowledge to them Change preposition
apply
such
as how to build a
residence, healthcare information, and education. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, many deprived nations lack of
Change preposition
apply
labor
, so incremental Change the spelling
labour
staffs
would be profitable to accelerate in-process projects to be completed. Fix the agreement mistake
staff
As a result
, what these communities derive from wealthy youth is to have a chance to last
longing
advance their lives.
In conclusion, Add the particle
longing to
although
there are long-term benefits to low-income villages, which probably lead to improvement for their hometown, I believe that teenagers in privilege
countries are likely to obtain more gain.Replace the word
privileged
Submitted by jubjangjuda on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task sufficiently, providing reasons why young people from wealthy countries engage in unpaid work in poorer countries and examining who benefits more. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate points clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraphs flow logically. There are times when sentences are not clearly connected, which affects overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and well-structured, setting up the topic and scope of the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a clear opinion, reaffirming your position on the topic.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and address the task with relevant arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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