In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Vietnam is one of the most developing countries in the world.
Although
we are witnessing the
growth day by day, it is concentrated Correct article usage
apply
to
some key Change preposition
in
cities
such
as Ho Chi Minh City, Hanoi Captical
or Da Nang, Can Tho. Correct your spelling
Capital
With
Change preposition
This
this
development, it
creates a wave that employees from Correct pronoun usage
apply
smaller
Add an article
the smaller
province
Fix the agreement mistake
provinces
have
to move to the big Correct pronoun usage
who have
cities
to find out
Change preposition
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
job
. In Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
this
essay, I will discuss both disadvantageous
and Correct article usage
the disadvantageous
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
from
Change preposition
of
this
trend and give my point of view.
On one hand, this
move has some
certain drawbacks that people have to faceCorrect quantifier usage
apply
with
. When living far from their own family, they have to pay for all the expenses by themselves without any support from Change preposition
apply
parents
. Correct pronoun usage
their parents
This
creates a heavier pressure top
up on many challenges that Fix the infinitive
to top
has
already had and have to Change the verb form
have
solve
. Wrong verb form
solved
For example
, a new worker who lived in Mekong
Delta before but now Correct article usage
the Mekong
move
to Ho Chi Minh City, Wrong verb form
moved
they have
to pay extra Wrong verb form
has
cost
for house rental which is considered one of the most expensive Fix the agreement mistake
costs
place
in Vietnam. Change to a plural noun
places
Furthermore
, due to
the distances
, though people can call their family Fix the agreement mistake
distance
via
online, there Change preposition
apply
still
some obstacles since they do not stay together. Add a missing verb
are still
Hence
, some difficulties or stories that would like to share with beloved
ones, but they can not do. After a long day, coming back home at 9PM and would like to have a call, but their family in the hometown already Correct your spelling
loved
went
to sleep so they can not share the story or ask for Wrong verb form
gone
an advice
.
On the Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
another
hand, leaving Correct quantifier usage
other
hometown
and moving to big Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
cities
also
bring
them a lot of advantages. Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
Firstly
, though living with beloved family and friends can create sense
of belonging, Add an article
a sense
however
, it also
has some weaknesses since they are living in a comfort zone and lack of challenge the
status quo. When Change preposition
to the
immersing
in a bigger city, they can Wrong verb form
immersed
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
and
experience Change preposition
to and
with
many new things, and they lead to Change preposition
apply
the
new perceptions, Correct article usage
apply
new
perspectives that can make their views more diverse. Correct word choice
and new
Secondly
, there are huge opportunities in the
crowded Correct article usage
apply
cities
where they can get better chances to reach their dream jobs. These will bring them to the
Correct article usage
an
Correct your spelling
environment
envinronment
that not only Correct your spelling
environment
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
help
them gain the wishlist job but Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
also
have more quality connections and improve their interpersonal skills.
Though there are many drawbacks that we have to overcome, I firmly believe that taking the courage and uncaging yourself at
the new environment will help us close with better chances that could bring greater impact in our lives.Change preposition
in
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider working on some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point to provide deeper insights and a well-rounded argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is strong and clearly sets up the context and structure of the essay.
Task Achievement
Each main idea is accompanied by specific examples which help in illustrating the points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay while providing the writer's personal stance.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example