IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Ordinary people copy famous people whome they see on TV and magazines. Do you think this is a positive development?

#people #copy #whome #tv #magazines #development
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The middle-class
people
 attempt to elevate their social status by copying the lifestyles of celebrities, they see on television and in magazines.
This
 trend has sparked significant debate. In my view,
this
 phenomenon is a negative development. Ordinary
people
 following the footsteps of esteemed personalities, can escalate the level of westernisation among the ordinary
people
. These
people
 might forget their own ancestral roots and would start possessing voguish things to keep up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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societal expectations.
Moreover
, it could
also
 be a leading contributor
of
Change preposition
to
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 impulsive buying, where
people
would
Verb problem
apply
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throw
minimal
Rephrase
away minimal
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 used things and
would
Verb problem
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buy new ones to stay updated in terms of fashion, clothes and other materialistic possessions,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can
further
 give rise to throwaway society. All of
this
,
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apply
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 can become a major reason
of
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for
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 environmental degradation.
Furthermore
, some eminent figures are
also
 involved in illicit
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as smoking and drinking alcohol that ordinary
people
 could consider as a status symbol and would
also
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in
such
 activities.
Also
, luxurious lifestyles
incluidng
Correct your spelling
including
 luxury cars and big houses of prominent
indiviudals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 can attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle-class
people
 who might not be able to afford
such
 expensive possessions.
This
 would not only place
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 strain on
such
people
, but can
also
 push them towards stress. In conclusion, it can be said that the trend of ordinary
people
 copying the famous
people
 they see on TV or in magazines can be a negative development that can foster the influence of
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture, financial instability and
also
 deterioration of natural resources.
Submitted by prabhjot06gill on

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Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Specific examples make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tone and style throughout the essay. This can improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument by presenting a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes your points and drives home your argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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