IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people joint distance-learning program (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, some people think it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #program #study #post #tv #internet #home #benefit #colleges #universities
Many people enrol in
distance
 learning
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and study from home.
According to
 some people,
distance
 learning cannot bring the same advantage
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 face-to-face learning in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleges and universities. I personally agree with
this
 statement because
distance
 learning restricts the opportunity
of attending
Change preposition
to attend
show examples
 classrooms physically,
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
 lectures, share learnings and experiences,
participating
Wrong verb form
participate
show examples
 in extra-curricular
activities
 and so on. The purpose of education is not only attending classes and exams, or submitting assessments. Education should focus on exchanging learning outcomes and experiences, assisting each other with assessments, learning about each other's problems and finding a solution. If the learning process is
distance
Replace the word
distant
show examples
, it is hard for the
studnets
Correct your spelling
students
 to take part in those
procesess
Correct your spelling
processes
.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Deakin University, most of the courses are online now, and in a survey, the
students
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
negative
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
 about how
distance
 learning restricts their
achievements
Fix the agreement mistake
achievement
show examples
 of some specific
educationl
Correct your spelling
educational
education
 goals. Universities and colleges should focus on extra-curricular
activities
besides
 academic
learnings
Fix the agreement mistake
learning
show examples
 because it helps to increase the knowledge and skills of the
students
.
Students
 can involve themselves in several campaigns, awareness programs, volunteer opportunities and so on. It not only
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 their
acdemic
Correct your spelling
academic
 skills but
also
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the opportunity of getting jobs in future.
For instance
, in the UK, the
opportinity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 of securing a job is highly likely for those
students
 who attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extra-curricular
activities
 in their university lives.
To conclude
, learning should not be restricted to attending class lectures and exams only, rather it should be involved in other
activities
 related to learning.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. This helps in maintaining a logical flow that guides the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points a bit more. Adding more depth to your arguments can help clarify your stance and make it stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting a clear direction for your essay.
relevant specific examples
Your use of specific examples, like the survey from Deakin University, adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: