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Writing Samples
Band 5

Cultures around the world are becoming more similar that ever before. Why is this happening? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#cultures #world #development
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Cultures
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 around the globe have been more alike than
previous
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in previous
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 years.
This
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 phenomenon may occur
due to
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 easier access to worldwide cultural
informations
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information
pieces of information
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. Personally, I think
this
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 issue may bring negative effects as it reduces the country’s authentic identity. The topic regarding similar
cultures
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 happens because it is far simpler to access global
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 over the internet nowadays.
The
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They
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can influence a
populations
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population's
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behavior
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behaviour
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,
thus
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 altering their value similar to
other country
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another country
other countries
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.
For instance
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, a lot of Arabic
countries
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been allowing the use of revealing swimsuits in public facilities for tourists
this
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last
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 decade, imitating
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 culture. More
residence
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residents
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 of the country are becoming more open-minded regarding
this
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 issue
due to
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 the influence of other nations around the internet. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of
this
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 similarity of traditions and
behavior
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behaviour
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 among
countries
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, it may reduce the diversity of
cultures
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 worldwide, slowly diminishing a country’s identity.
Moreover
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,
neighboring
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neighbouring
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countries
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 might claim our country’s heritage as theirs,
further
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 increasing the nation’s cultural poverty.
For example
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, Indonesia and Malaysia
has
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have
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 been fighting for ownership
over
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of
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 batik as
national’s
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national
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 clothing over the
last
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 few years. Each side claimed that batik is a part of their culture and exclusively belongs to them. There is no panacea for
this
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 problem, as both
countries
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 think that losing their rights over batik will cost them their rich collection of traditions. In conclusion, similarity in national
cultures
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 may be a result
from
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of
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 the abundance of accessible worldwide information. Yet,
this
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 may cause an original identity crisis for the nations concerned.
Submitted by muhammadraditya9 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear outline of the points to be discussed in the essay. This helps the reader to follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in a fresh way to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Use more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability. This will improve the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing reasons for cultural similarities and the potential negative impact. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
Examples such as the influence of Western culture on Arabic countries and the conflict between Indonesia and Malaysia over batik effectively support the main points, making the argument more compelling.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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