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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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To agree or disagree
about
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with
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 the statements that what should and should not be taught to
students
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 is an important issue. Putting the discussion in a wider context. that
statement
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 has always been debatable. Even though some
people
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 think that
students
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 should be taught academic
knowledge
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. I wholeheartedly believe that
students
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also
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 should taught
skills
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such
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 as cooking or anything else not just academics.
First,
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I will discuss some arguments that support my ideas about
this
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statement
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. After which some aspects against that will be presented. On the one hand, some
people
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 agree with
this
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statement
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 for some
reasons
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. One of the
reasons
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 is that probably think that smart
people
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 are when you have high academic
knowledge
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,
then
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 many
people
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 must be
respect
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respectful
show examples
 and proud of you if they have good
knowledge
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 mainly in maths or sciences. The best example to illustrate
that is
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 if you are good in sciences, a lot of
people
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 argue that you will be successful in your life, you will be a billionaire in future. But in fact, success does not depend on your academic
knowledge
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. It will become if you are not giving up, diligently and keep trying. I agree that academic
knowledge
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 should be taught so
students
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 can pass exams but
skills
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 are important as well.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 disagree with
this
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statement
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 for many convincing
reasons
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. The Most important reason is that education is crucial to increasing
skills
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.
For Instance
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, nowadays in school,
students
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 are not taught just about academic
knowledge
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 by their teachers, they
also
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 must have
skills
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 beyond their regular classes
such
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 as cooking, swimming, etc in order to relax their brain from stress too much because of sciences. Academic and skill are balanced.
That is
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 more beneficial to having both. All in all, when all the specific
reasons
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 and relevant examples are considered and evaluated. I strongly disagree with that
statement
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 because Academic
knowledge
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 is as important as
skills
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 too.
students
Use synonyms
 should taught both of those.

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coherence cohesion
To strengthen the introduction, provide a clearer statement of your position and outline the main points you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are well-supported with relevant and specific examples.
task achievement
Avoid repetition in your arguments. Instead, provide distinct points and expand on them through clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically, with clear paragraphs for arguments for and against the statement.
task achievement
The writer's position is distinct, making it clear that they disagree with the statement and believe in the importance of teaching both academic knowledge and practical skills.
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