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Band 4.5

Some companies spend a lot of money on scientific research and use animals for testing. Do the advantages of using animals in research outweigh its disadvantages?

#companies #money #research #animals
Several firms spend much money on scientific research and use
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 variety of
animals
 for testing their
products
. In my opinion,
this
 condition has more good sides than
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. Certain
animals
 particularly mammals are considerably becoming
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
 of observation
due to
Correct pronoun usage
their similarity
show examples
similarity
Fix the agreement mistake
similarities
show examples
 with humans and it will provide a small
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in terms of
respons
Correct your spelling
responses
 towards
products
. The way they absorb the molecules
becoming
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 a model and
figuring
Wrong verb form
figures
show examples
 out what might
happenin
Correct your spelling
happen in
 the human bodies. In mice,
for instance
, their bodies will detect unknown components
such
 as toxins and if they show
symtoms
Correct your spelling
symptoms
, researchers will conclude that the components
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 harmful not only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
animals
 but
also
humans
Change preposition
to humans
show examples
.
This
 will provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the danger which might come from companies'
products
.
In addition
, testing using
animals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 cheaper than buying sophisticated equipment just
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
show examples
 the safety of
products
.
On the other hand
, the drawback of
this
 method might be regarding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of those
animals
. In the
laboratorium
Correct your spelling
laboratory
 test, they are usually given
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 level of dosis to observe the
symtoms
Correct your spelling
symptoms
. It
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 leads to the death of several subjects. It is why, nowadays many people try to campaign
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 testing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the communities in order to ensure
Correct article usage
the longlasting
show examples
longlasting
Correct your spelling
long-lasting
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I believe that
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 sides of
this
 action
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. Testing
animals
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the laboratory scale will provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding
regarding with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the safety of certain
products
 and it is
also
 affordable.
By contrast
, it might come with the protest regarding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 right
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully explained and supported with detailed examples. Some arguments need further elaboration to be more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases can help better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples, such as using mice in laboratory tests, which help to illustrate the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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