You bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems. you returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera still not been repaired. -introduce yourself -explain the situation -say what action you would like the company to take
I am writing to explain my dissatisfaction with some
problems
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
my
Change the word
the
show examples
camera that I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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bought
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
week.If you remember I am one of your
client
Change to a plural noun
clients
show examples
that
live
Change the verb form
lives
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in Hengam
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
and I go there every year to buy some equipment
about
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for
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photoshot
Correct your spelling
photoshoot
.
Body paragraph 2
In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
order
Add a comma
order,
show examples
I
awared
Correct your spelling
had
some
problems
Use synonyms
about something in my camera and I told
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your warranty section and they said I should bring it to your company and service it.After one week they called me and said they
fix
Wrong verb form
fixed
show examples
it,
Although
Linking Words
they fixed some particular
problems
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
have some
problems
Use synonyms
yet and I can not use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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well in my field.
Body paragraph 3
I expect some services
about
Change preposition
from
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your company ,
this
Linking Words
is because I am your permanent client.I suggest that it is better to
chenge
Correct your spelling
change
my camera
with
Change preposition
to
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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one.I do not have
nice
Add an article
a nice
show examples
sense about it and I would be grateful if you
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
that.
Conclusion
Yours faithfully.
bahram.azizzade
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coherence cohesion
Ensure there are clear paragraphs and a logical flow from one idea to the next. For example, you could separate the introduction, the explanation of the problem, and the request for action into different paragraphs for greater clarity.
task achievement
Revisit your grammar and make sure your sentences are clear and concise. For instance, the second sentence in your first paragraph could be revised to 'If you remember, I am one of your clients living on Hengam Street, and I visit your store every year to purchase photography equipment.'
task achievement
Provide a bit more specific detail about the problems encountered with the camera to strengthen your request and make your case more compelling. Also, more formal language and proper punctuation will improve your overall score.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by introducing yourself, explaining the situation, and making a specific request for the company to take action, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is appropriate for this type of communication.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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