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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

You bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems. you returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera still not been repaired. -introduce yourself -explain the situation -say what action you would like the company to take

#camera #home #company #representative #week #-introduce #-explain #situation #-say #action
Dear sir/madam I am writing to explain my dissatisfaction with some
problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
my
Change the word
the
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 camera that I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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bought
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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last
 week.If you remember I am one of your
client
Change to a plural noun
clients
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 that
live
Change the verb form
lives
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 in Hengam
street
Capitalize word
Street
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 and I go there every year to buy some equipment
about
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for
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photoshot
Correct your spelling
photoshoot
. In
last
Correct article usage
the last
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order
Add a comma
order,
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 I
awared
Correct your spelling
had
 some
problems
 about something in my camera and I told
to
Change preposition
apply
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your warranty section and they said I should bring it to your company and service it.After one week they called me and said they
fix
Wrong verb form
fixed
show examples
 it,
Although
 they fixed some particular
problems
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have some
problems
 yet and I can not use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 well in my field. I expect some services
about
Change preposition
from
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 your company ,
this
 is because I am your permanent client.I suggest that it is better to
chenge
Correct your spelling
change
 my camera
with
Change preposition
to
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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 one.I do not have
nice
Add an article
a nice
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 sense about it and I would be grateful if you
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 that. Yours faithfully.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there are clear paragraphs and a logical flow from one idea to the next. For example, you could separate the introduction, the explanation of the problem, and the request for action into different paragraphs for greater clarity.
task achievement
Revisit your grammar and make sure your sentences are clear and concise. For instance, the second sentence in your first paragraph could be revised to 'If you remember, I am one of your clients living on Hengam Street, and I visit your store every year to purchase photography equipment.'
task achievement
Provide a bit more specific detail about the problems encountered with the camera to strengthen your request and make your case more compelling. Also, more formal language and proper punctuation will improve your overall score.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by introducing yourself, explaining the situation, and making a specific request for the company to take action, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is appropriate for this type of communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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