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Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

#people #competition #work #school #life
These
dayas
Correct your spelling
days
,
people
 believe that it is
beneficial
Add an article
a beneficial
show examples
 activity to
competes
Wrong verb form
compete
show examples
 with each other especially at
work
,school,and in daily
lifetime
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others think that individuals ought to cooperate more rather than competing against each other.I will discuss both views to gain an appropriate understanding, and I will support my opinion in conclusion. On the one hand,
competitor
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 spirit leads to
improves
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
work
 speed and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality of
work
. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
work
enviroment whan
Correct your spelling
environment where
people
 contest with their colleagues it helps them to progress the task in
excellent
Change the article
an excellent
show examples
 way.
Merevor
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
people
 can achieve their goals when they start to compete with others.
Additionally
, they automatically increase their energy to succeed
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 event.
For example
, students in school they become recently more willing to contrast with other students in competitions and exams to get high scores or to achieve the
first,
also
 I used to
cometeps
Correct your spelling
compete
 with my friend
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in math classes
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
helpd
Correct your spelling
helped
help
 me to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 high marks and good scores.
Therefore
, many
people
 see that racing against
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 is
profitable
Correct article usage
a profitable
show examples
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
 to do.
On the Other hand
,
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 promotes
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
positive relationships among those around them.To explain more, with
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 more
patience
Replace the word
patient
show examples
 and willing to understand more each other with no jealousy,and it
also
 helps to keep their minds happy and relieve stress.
For instance
, University students who always
tryuing
Correct your spelling
trying
 to cooperate more than
competes
Change the verb form
compete
show examples
 are very satisfied with their lives. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 think that trying to cooperate more with
people
 leads to building good relationships, the benefits of competition at
work
,
such
 as improving
work
 speed and achieving goals, are
also
 significant.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that challenging
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 is essential for
achieiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 success.
Submitted by emannabilalmanthari on

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grammar
Work on eliminating grammatical and typographical errors to improve clarity and professionalism in your writing. For instance, 'These dayas' should be 'These days' and 'cometeps' should be 'compete'.
coherence
Make sure your points are clearly connected and flow logically from one to the next. This will enhance the reader's understanding and make your essay more cohesive.
examples
Include more specific examples and details to make your arguments more compelling and to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which provides a balanced view and shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, giving it a clear structure and making it easier for the reader to follow your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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