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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many coutries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the new born. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweight the disadvantages?

#coutries #women #maternity #first #month #birth #outweight
In several countries, a lot of companies give permission to female
employees
 to take
maternity
 leave in the first month after giving birth to their baby. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I think
this
 idea is totally advantageous. On the one hand, it has a beneficial impact on
woman's
Correct article usage
a woman's
show examples
 body. Giving birth is a totally life-changing experience that can make
woman's
Correct article usage
a woman's
show examples
 body exhausted and traumatized, If
woman
Correct article usage
a woman
show examples
forced
Add a missing verb
is forced
show examples
 to
work
 after
experienced
Change the form of the verb
experiencing
show examples
such
 a big event, it will be no good for them.
Maternity
 leave gives them the time to maintain the stress level to normal.
Also
, it will make them
refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
show examples
 and
energize
Wrong verb form
energised
show examples
 at
work
 later.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the
employees
also
 feel appreciated, and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 their best for the
company
.
This
 case is proved
for example
, in Meta those who
are take
Change the verb form
take
show examples
maternity
 leave after the birth show the same productivity level or even higher in their
work
.
On the other hand
, forcing
employees
 to do the
work
 without any
maternity
 leave will cause some troubles and side effects for the
employees
. The reason is because they do not have time to recover themselves and interact with their babies.
Furthermore
, poor mental and physical health for the
employees
 will impact the
company
's productivity.
That is
 why
maternity
 leave is a must for women. In conclusion,
maternity
 leave is a great thing for the
employees
 and a great move by the
company
. It really has a lot of advantages for
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 and minimizes the harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 women.
Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the use of transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your main points for a stronger argument.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that contribute to a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
A logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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