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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
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The line graph depicts the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 living in cities in four
countries
Use synonyms
 in Asia over the 50-year period between 1970 and 2020, with anticipation for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that the percentage of the
popualtion
Correct your spelling
population
 in all
countries
Use synonyms
 is projected to rise.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, at the
beginnig
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beginning
 of the period,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
poeple
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people
. In 1970, the proportion of the
popualtion
Correct your spelling
population
 living in cities in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 stood at around 12%, lower than the other three
countries
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.
While
Linking Words
 at the same year,
this
Linking Words
 figure for Malaysia was responsible for 30%. For the next 50 years, the percentage of
people
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 inhabiting
in
Change preposition
apply
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towns in
Indonesia
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 and Malaysia rose
subtantially
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substantially
 to approximately 50% and 72%, respectively. It is expected that the prospective figures for
Indonesia
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 and Malaysia will witness an increase and reach about 60% and 81% in 2040. Turning to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Philipines
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Philipines
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Philippines
show examples
 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
, in 1970,
people
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 who lived in cities in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
Philipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
show examples
 accounted for nearly 32%,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for
Thailand
Use synonyms
 was just under 20%. Over the following 50 years, both both
countries
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 experienced a rise in their
people
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's population living in towns and the percentage of the
popualtion
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population
Philipines
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 rose to just above 42% and the figure for
Thailand
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 climbed to
closely
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close
show examples
30
Change preposition
to 30
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%. By 2040, the prospective figures for
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
Philipines
Correct your spelling
Philippines
show examples
 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 will have been about 50% and 45%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries, indonesia, philipines, thailand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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